An Alphabet of Celebrities
by Oliver Herford
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Oliver Herford




Transcriber's note: In this text = has been used to indicate text coloured orange.

An Alphabet of Celebrities

A's =A=lbert Edward, well meaning but flighty, Who invited King =A=rthur, the blameless and mighty, To meet =A=lcibiades and =A=phrodite.

B is for =B=ernhardt, who fails to awaken Much feeling in =B=ismarck, =B=arabbas, and =B=acon.

C is =C=olumbus, who tries to explain How to balance an egg—to the utter disdain Of =C=onfucius, =C=arlyle, =C=leopatra, and =C=ain.

D's for =D=iogenes, =D=arwin, and =D=ante, Who delight in the dance Of a =D=arling Bacchante.

E is for =E=dison, making believe He's invented a clever contrivance for =E=ve, Who complained that she never could laugh in her sleeve.

F is for =F=ranklin, who fearfully shocks The feelings of =F=enelon, =F=aber, and =F=ox.

G is =G=odiva, whose great bareback feat She kindly but firmly declines to repeat, Though =G=ounod and =G=oldsmith implore and entreat.

H is for =H=andel, who pours out his soul Through the bagpipes to =H=owells and =H=omer, who roll On the floor in an ecstasy past all control.

I is for =I=bsen, reciting a play While =I=rving and =I=ngersoll hasten away.

J is for =J=ohnson, who only says "Pish!" To =J=onah, who tells him his tale of a fish.

K is the =K=aiser, who kindly repeats Some original verses to =K=ipling and =K=eats.

L is =L=afontaine, who finds he's unable To interest =L=uther and =L=iszt in his fable, While =L=oie continues to dance on the table.

M is =M=acduff, who's prevailed upon =M=ilton And =M=ontaigne and =M=anon to each try a kilt on.

N is =N=apoleon, shrouded in gloom, With =N=ero, =N=arcissus, and =N=ordau, to whom He's explaining the manual of arms with a broom.

O is for =O=liver, casting aspersion On =O=mar, that awfully dissolute Persian, Though secretly longing to join the diversion.

P is for =P=eter, who hollers "No! No!" Through the keyhole to =P=aine, =P=aderewski, and =P=oe.

Q is the =Q=ueen, so noble and free— For further particulars look under V.

R's =R=ubenstein, playing that old thing in F To =R=ollo and =R=embrandt, who wish they were deaf.

S is for =S=winburne, who, seeking the true, the good, and the beautiful, visits the Zoo, Where he chances on =S=appho and Mr. =S=ardou, And =S=ocrates, all with the same end in view.

T is for =T=alleyrand toasting Miss =T=ruth, By the side of her well, in a glass of vermouth, And presenting Mark =T=wain as the friend of his youth.

U is for =U=ndine, pursuing =U=lysses And =U=mberto, who flee her damp, death-dealing kisses.

V is =V=ictoria, noble and true— For further particulars look under Q.

W's =W=agner, who sang and played lots for =W=ashington, =W=esley, and good Doctor =W=atts. His prurient plots pained =W=esley and =W=atts, But =W=ashington said he "enjoyed them in spots."

X is =X=antippe, who's having her say, And frightening the army of =X=erxes away.

Y is for =Y=oung, the great Mormon saint, Who thinks little =Y=um =Y=um and =Y=vette so quaint, He has to be instantly held in restraint.

Z is for =Z=ola, presenting La Terre To =Z=enobia the brave and =Z=uleika the fair, Whose blushes they artfully conceal with their hair.

This Alphabet of Celebrities written & pictured by Oliver Herford with a border & initial letters by Bertram Grosvenor Goodhue and end papers & cover design by E. B. Bird is printed for Small Maynard & Company at the Heintzemann Press in Boston U. S. A. in the month of November MDCCCXCIX


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