BRITE and FAIR
BY HENRY A. SHUTE Author of "The Real Diary of a Real Boy"
ILLUSTRATED BY WORTH BREHM
Cosmopolitan Book Corporation New York MCMXX
Copyright, 1920 by Cosmopolitan Book Corporation All Rights Reserved, including that of translation into foreign languages, including the Scandinavian Printed in U.S.A.
BRITE AND FAIR
June 2th, 186—-sunday nite. i have been to chirch and sunday school today, not to the unitarial. we are going to the congrigasional now becaus Keene and Cele are singing in the quire. so we go there. i had ruther go to the unitarial becaus Beany and Pewt go there. Beany blows the organ and sumtimes he peeks out behine the organ and maiks a feerful face and maiks everybody laff. once Beany he thummed his nose to old Chipper Burly. Chipper he was the sunday school supperintendent and was beeting time for the scholers to sing and Chipper he tirned round quick and see Beany, and Chipper he jest hipered into the organ log and grabed Beany by the coler and yanked him out of the lof and wauked him out of the chirch. then he got Micky Goold to blow the organ and Beany he lost his gob for 2 sundays, but Micky went to sleep 2 or 3 times and snoared feerful and they had to waik him up and once he hollered rite out loud. so Mickey he lost his gob and they got Beany back. They tride Pewt and then Game Ey Watson, Beanys brother but they was wirse than Micky. so they hired Beany. he is the best and only lets the wind out one or two times every sunday and the organ sounds like a goos but that aint so bad as going to sleep and hollering goldarn it lemme alone is it?
we had a new minister today, miser Larned has gone away for all summer. the new minister preeched about not killing flise and buggs and wirms and bumbelbeas and yeller jacket hornits. he sed they had a rite to live jest as mutch as peeple and we hadent augt to kill them. i spose it is all rite to let a muskeeter or flee or one of them 3 cornered flise that hangs round a swimmin hole bite you terrible and not even yip. how about bedbugs.
June 3, 186—-today is washing day and i had to lug about a million pales of water for old mis Dire, Sams mother whitch comes over mondays. her hands is all sriveled up they has been in hot water so mutch. mother she sed that was the reason when i asted her and father he laffed and sed he had been in hot water all his life and he wasent sriveled a bit. mother she laffed two. father aint sriveled for he weigs 214 lbs. i gess he dident meen that kind of hot water eether. i am tired most to deth tonite.
June 4, 186—-brite and fair. i went fishing today with Potter Goram in the morning and was going again in the afternoon but i dident get home in time to help them flap flise out of the dining room and mother woodent let me go to pay me for being lait. darn it. every day we have to flap flise out of the dining room. we all grab our flapers and begin to flap from one end of the room to the other flaping them into the kitchen. then we shet the doors and keep them out. it is fun flaping for most always i can give Keene a good bat in the ear with a flaper when she aint looking. then she gives me one on the snoot and then we jest go at it til mother stops us. she maiks us take tirns now. ferst it is me and Cele and then it is Cele and Keene. it is never me and Keen any more. mother says we fite enuf without fiting when there is china and crockery and glass round and things to eat two. ennyway it is tuf on Cele to have to do it all the time becaus she is good and dont fite.
i told mother what old mister minister sed and mother she sed that if old mister minister had to fite flise for every mossel of food he et she gessed he woodent say mutch about not killing them. Aunt Sarah she sed so two. flise is wirse this summer. we have got a new set of fli screnes. little ones for the butter plates, bigger ones for the sass plates and some grate big ones for the meat plates and the cake basket. we had to get them becaus the old ones was woar out and i took the big one and kept a young robin in nearly a week and mother maid me let him go and never wood use the screne again. we tride to have muzlin screnes to the wiinders but the cat and the dog jumped through them if the doors was shet. mother says she dont know what she will do if the flise get enny wirse.
June 5, 186—-it raned last nite. brite and fair today. it raned hard and the sidewalks was filed with pudles of water. me and Beany had lots of fun spatering peeple. the way we do it is this. when we see sum peeple waulking on the sidewaulks we run by them fast and stamp hard in the pudles and the water spaters all over them. we dont do it to wimmen and girls. but we do to men and fellers. it is lots of fun to hear them sware. Beany got 2 bats in the ear and a kick and i got 3 bats in the ear and 2 kicks. so i beat Beany. one of the kicks was a peeler. ennyway we had lots of fun.
today all the fellers and girls got a letter from old mister minister and it had in it a peace of poetry like this
do you know how menny flise fli about in the warm sun how menny fishes in the water god has counted eevry one every one he called by naim when into the wirld it caime.
there was a lot moar to it but i aint got no time to wright enny moar of such stuf as that. i showed it to mother and she said when he got older peraps he wood know moar.
June 6, 186—-clowdy today. jest the day to go fishing but i had to ho in the garden. if it had raned i coodent ho the beans becaus if you ho when it is wet they will be all covered with black specks like Whacker Chadwick had when he had the measles. i have et them like that and they taist jest like those yeller spots in creem tarter bisquit when it gets way in a corner of your mouth up under your ear on the inside and you cant reech it with a drink of water. ennyway it dident rane and i had to ho whitch is jest my luck. mother let me go at 4 oh clock to go in swimming with the Chadwicks and Potter and Skinny Bruce. we had sum fun tying gnots in Skinnys shert sleev. we bet Skinny coodent swim across under water and while he was doing it we wet his shert sleves and tide hard gnots in them. Skinny coodent unty them becaus he aint got enny front teeth. most of the fellers can unty gnots eesy with their teeth but Skinny had to go home with his shert tide around his neck and his jacket buttened up tite.
the 3 cornered flise has come and bit Skinny terrible while he was trying to get into his shert. i hollered oh Skinny, do you know how meny flise fli about in the warm sun and Skinny he up and chased me as far as Gilmans barn and wood have chased me further but he hadent enny shert on. i guess if the old minister had heard Skinny sware he woodent have sed mutch more about flise.
June 7, 186—-brite and fair. not mutch today. tonite the band played in the band room. Ed Tilton has got a new basehorn. it is auful shiny and almost as long as he is. Potsy Dirgin played a fife. father says peraps i can have a fife some day but a cornet costs two much money. they played a new march and a peace that mother said was a romanse from leeclare. mother used to play it. i asked her where leeclare was and she sed it was a mans name. Cele can hear a band peace once and play it on the piano jest as good as they can. i can whistle it all rite but she can put in the alto and the treble and the base jest like it is rote.
June 8, 186—-brite and fair. not mutch today only swiming and playing base ball and a fite down town whitch old Swain and old Kize the poliseman stoped. tonite we all have to take a bath in the tub in the kichen. Mother maiks me use soft sope. the others use casteel sope but mother says soft sope is the only thing that will get me cleen. it stings terrible when it gets into a cut or a soar place. after a feler has been stang with soft sope in a cut on his hand or on his leg with a nail or a peace of glass or a tin can he dont care mutch for anything but a yeller jakit hornit. i had to lug all the water for the tub and i had to fill it with fresh water for every one of us. they aint enny sense in that. onct wood have been enuf. twict wood ennyway.
June 9, 186—-Sunday again brite and fair it is always brite and fair sundays so fellers has to go to chirch. last nite when Keene was going to bed we heard sum feerful screaches in her room. mother and aunt Sarah just hipered upstairs thinking Keene had tiped over the lamp and was burning to deth and both hollering for mecy sakes what is the matter. nothing was the matter only a dorbugg had flew into her hair and stuck there and scart her most to deth. mother said she had augt to be ashaimed of herself. mother give me the dorbugg and i am going to put it down Beanys back. i bet Beany will gump.
Beany come to our chirch today. they wasnt eny chirch at the unitarial. in sunday school Beany spoke a peace about a fli. it said god made the little fli but if you crush it it will die and then he set down. the rest of us laffed but the minister told us it was the best peace of all and it showed that Elbridge, that is Beany you know, was kind to flise and insex of all kinds and if we was all like Elbridge, Beany you know, the wirld woodent have as mutch mizzery in it. we was all mad with Beany for showing off and we were going to lam him one after school let out. he cought a big bumbelbea whitch had flew in to the window and took sum wax and hitched a long white thread to the bumbelbea and let him go and he flew all over the chirch with that long white thread hanging down like a kite tail. everybody laffed and the girls screemed and ducked there heads down and the minister tride a long while to ketch the bumblelbea and finely he cought it by the thred and it clim up the thred and stang him and he sed drat the pesky thing and snaped his fingers and the bea flew out of the window. then the minister sed it was natural for the bea to be scart only he sed terrorfide whitch meens the saim, and it dident know who was befrending it. but it was crool to tie a string to him and the boy whitch done it wood suffer. enny way he sed you woodent do it wood you Elbridge and Beany he sed no sir. then Beany he went behine the organ and we sung oh how happy are we all in our little sunday school and Beany let the wind out of the organ 2 times. so we aint going to lam Beany. ennyway the ministers thum is all swole up.
June 10, 186—-i put the dorbugg down Beanys back. you aught to heard him holler.
June 11, 186—-rany and cold. a big black ant has got 2 nippers and can bite like time. i am going to put one down Beanys back some day.
June 11, 186—-the cat drank sum fli poison today and dide. we are going to have some fli paper after this. father says all you got to do is to get sum pich and spred it on brown paper and the flise will get their hine legs all stuck up on it and die. so tomorrow i am going down to the sawmill and scraip a lot of pich off the ends of the logs.
June 12, 186—-brite and fair. today i scraiped a lot of pich off the logs and then took it home and tonite father warmed it until it was all runny and spred it on a lot of sheets of brown linen. it was awful sticky, i bet it wood hold a cat, then befoar we went to bed he put 1 in the kitchen sink and 2 on the table and 2 on the dining room table and 2 in the setting room, and he hung one up over the sink to kech flise on the wall. well in the middle of the nite i heard awful swareing down stairs and heard father hollering for mother to come down. i set up and lissened. i gnew it wasent berglers for father cood nock the stuffing out of enny bergler and if it was i gnew he woodent let mother come down where they was dainger. so i lissened and oh time how father was swareing. i never heard enny such swareing in my life, and father aint a swareing man.
then i heard mother begin to laff. then i gnew it was all right. so i lissened. then i heard father say for god's sake get the sizzers and cut this damn linen off my head, and mother sed keep still and stop swareing, and father he sed, i have got to keep still for i am all stuck up and i had augt to be aloud to sware. then he laffed. then mother she said i am afrade i shall have to cut off most of your hair, and father he sed get hold of the end of it and yank quick. then i heard him say why dont you pull a poor cusses head off and she sed i gess i have jugging by the looks of this linen. it is all covered with hair. then i heard her cutting with sizzers and then he sed it is lucky i came down in my shert tale if i had been dressed i wood have had to go to bed tomorrow until you went down town to by me a new sute. you see father had gone down for a drink of water in the dark and had got into the fli paper. father had augt to know better than to do that becaus once he drunk sum water out of a dipper in the pale in the dark and the nex morning he found my squirrel drowneded in the pale and he never gnew whether it was drownded before he drank or after he drunk and it made him sick to wonder whitch was whitch. well after a while father and mother come up stairs again, i cood hear Keene and Cele gigling in there room and i wanted to holler do you know how many flise fli about in the warm sun but i dident dass to. this morning mother sed that father he sed he forgot all about the drink of water and dident get it but we aint going to have enny more fli paper round the house. it was wirse than having a poliseman with handcufs and twisters.
June 13, 186—-i am having awful tuf luck with my hens this year. Miss Dires cat cougt 8 of my chickings this week. i went over to tell her about it and have her pay for the chickings and she sed how did i know it was her cat and i sed it was a old yeller cat that she had for 2 or 3 years and i see it runing with a chicking in its mouth. then she sed it wasent her cat and i sed all right i am going to kill it with a rock and she sed you better not kill it if you know what is good for you and i sed what do you care if it aint your cat and she sed i will maik it mine if you kill it and you will wish you was ded if you kill it. so i went home. then Nellie steped on my best hen whitch was scraching behine her in the stall and squashed her almost as flat as a doremat. enny way i have got to do sumthing about that cat. i wonder what old mister minister wood do if a cat killed his chickings. i supose he wood say it is rong to kill a cat and that a cat had as mutch rite to live as—-as—-well as old Mis Dire.
June 14, 186—-2 chickings gone today. i let a rock ding at the cat and jest missed her. i wish i had a bull dog.
June 15, 186—-went in swiming today. 3 times. The 3 cornered flise are auful and bit like time. i squashed lots of them and they wont fli about in the warm sun enny more. I dont cair. me and Pewt are going to set a trap for the cat. Pewt can make bully box traps. if he ketches the cat i am going to give him my collexion of birds egs. it is werth it. i aint got menny chickings left.
June 16, 186—-brite and fair of course. it always is sunday. i went to chirch sunday and to sunday school. i wanted to go to the Unitarial but father he sed no i wood go where he told me to or i coodent go at all. i thought i had got him there and i sed all rite i will stay to home and he sed all rite you can stay to home and stay in bed. so i thougt i had better go to chirch and i sed all rite i will go to chirch. i told him as long as we had got a phew in both chirches someone augt to set in it once in a while. the minister is going to get up a club to study insex throug the telescope and to lern us about their ways. he said beas have queans and droans and aunts have a government and keeps cows. i wonder if he xpects us to beleeve that. and flees can be traned to ride a vellosipede but he dident know that if you ketch a big grashoper and say grashoper gashoper gray give me sum molasses and then fli away the grashoper will give you some molasses. just think he dident know that and he dident know that ef you squashed a caterpiller it would rane before nite. we have all got to join the club. i wish i had staid in bed.
tonite Pewt come over with a big box trap and we set it in the hen coop and left the dore open. i bet we will ketch her. we bated it with a peace of pikerel.
June 17, 186—-Gosh what do you think. we have caugt that cat. this morning i went to the hencoop and the trap was sprung. when i shook it a little i cood hear the old cat growl and spitt. so i nailed the cover down so he coodent get out and gess what we done with him. tonite after dark we carried the box to the deepo and put him on the nite fraight trane for Haverhill. nobody see us. we wated till the trane started and then went home. Pewt wanted to drownd the old cat but i thougt if we did i wood have to lie about it and while i can lie good if i have to i had ruther not. and it wood be eesier to say i dident know ehere the cat was peraps it wood be in Haverhill and peraps in Boston.
June 18, 186—-brite and fair. Gosh what do you think. the first thing i see this morning was that old cat setting on Mis Dires steps. i thougt she must have comeway back from Haverhill but after breckfast old mother Moulton come over and asted me if i had seen her cat. she was terrible xcited and asted me more than 40 questions but i dident know ennything. Pewt come down and sed she had been to his house and to Beanys and all over the naborhood. gosh i bet we caugt her cat and sent it away. ennyway what rite had her old cat in my hencoop.
tonite me and Pewt set a new trap and bated it with a fresh sucker. i have got to get the old yeller cat. one more chickling disapeared to day.
June 19, 186—-it raned hard last nite. i gess cats staid to home and dident go out. this morning the trap wasent spring. had to ho in the garden after it dride up. toniet we put a big shiner in the trap for bate.
June 20, 186—-we cogt that old cat today. i know it was her this time becaus when the cover come down it pinched her tale and there was a bunch of yeller hair in front of the trap. tonite we put the trap on the fraight trane and that is the last of that old cat. old mother Moulton is still hunting for her cat. i wonder if the 2 cats will know eech other when they meet in Haverhill. i xpect mis Dire will be over tomorrow to find out where her old cat is. i dont know where she is. i havent hit her or killed her and i dont know what has become of her.
June 21, 186—-brite and fair. today i saw that old cat again. i wonder whose cat we cought. i had to pay Pewt 10 cents for his traps. we set another for tonite.
June 22, 186—-awful hot today. i dident ketch that cat. i went fishing today for some cat bate. went in swimming 5 times. got some good shiners. i have found out whose cat we sent to Haverhill the last time. there was a peace in the Exeter News-Letter whitch sed. lost a valuble black and yeller striped tiger cat. a grate pet. had on a red satin bow. a suteable reward will be paid for infirmation as to whareabouts. A. P. Blake. gosh A. P. Blake is Mager Blake who owns the Squamscot Hotel. I know that cat. i wish me and Pewt gnew some peeple in Haverhill peraps we cood get the reward. tonite i paid Pewt another ten cents and we set another trap. i wonder whose cat we will get nex time.
June 23, 186—-brite and fair, i never knew it to rane sunday. cougt another, dont know whose cat it is. if we open the cover the cat will gump out and if we dont sum body elces cat may get sent Haverhill. ennyway enny cat whitch is cougt in my hencoop has got to take chances.
tonite we sent it away on the trane. we almost got cougt putting it on. went to chirch and sunday school. Beany has got his gob back at the unitarial and has went back there, so there wasent enny fun. i heard old Mis Dire calling her cat tonite for most an hour. i guess we got that old cat at last.
June 24, 186—-Mis Dire was calling her cat this morning. she come and did the washing today but she dident say ennything about her cat but i think she was uneezy and she looked at me sort of hard. i bet she thinks i have killed her cat.
June 25, 186— today old Mis Dire come over. i was in the shed and i saw her go waulking stiflegged. after a minit or too mother called me. i pertended i dident hear her and kept on spliting wood, then she come out and told me old Mis Dire sed i killed her cat and wanted to ast me some questions and mother sed now if you have killed her cat tell the truth. i sed i anit killed it or hit it or drowneded it and i dont know where it is. so we went in. old Mis Dire was there mad as time and she sed now Harry Shute i want to know what you have did with my cat and if you lie to me, then mother sed quick ome moment Misses Dire if you are going to ast him enny questions you have got to do it in a different way if you xpect enny anser. mother she looked at old Mis Dire and old Mis Dire looked at mother mad as time but mother had a kind of funny look in her eyes not a mad look but a kind of look that made old Mis Dire back water prety quick. then old Mis Dire sed you throwed a rock at my cat last week and i sed yes i did and i wish i had hit hir and killed her but i dident. then she said you and that misable Watson boy and that jalebird of a Purinton boy have drowned my cat and i sed i dont know about them but i dont beleve they done it becaus they dident have enny chickings but hope to die and cross my throte i havent seen your cat or hit your cat or drowned your cat and i dont know where she is i honest dont. old Mis Dire asted me more than 40 questions and after a while she went home. she was pretty grumpy and sed sumbody had got to pay for her cat but i guess she desided i dident know ennything about it. she went over to Pewts and to Beanys but dident find out ennything.
Mother she was glad i told the truth and i did dident i? i dident hit her old cat, or killed it or drowned it or see it and i dont know where it is. mother told father about it when he come home from Boston and father sed dam her old cat. i wont have you bothered about her old cat. i wood have told her to go to the devel. mother laffed and sed no you woodent George you wood have felt bad and pitted her as i did. she is a poar old woman and it is two bad for ennyone to kill her pet cat. ennyway that is over and i aint got to wurry over my chickings enny more. i wish i dassed tell father about it but i am afraid father wood tell mother for a goke and if mother dident think it was rite she wood make me go to Haverhill or Boston and hunt for them 3 old cats. father i know wood laff his head off but i dassent tell him. 3 old cats sounds like a base ball game dont it. ennyway me and Pewt made 3 home runs dident we.
June 26, rany. dident do ennything today.
June 27, 186—-i havent wrote ennything about school becaus i dident like school and dident like to think about it. the fellers is all rite and we have sum fun playing base ball and foot ball and corram and duck on a rock and nigger baby. but we have to study like time and they aint hardly enny fites becaus if 2 fellers has a fite old Francis licks time out of them and recess aint very interestin if they aint enny fites. school closes tomorrow and i am so glad i dont know what to do. i gess old Francis wanted to celibrait today for he licked 9 fellers. Skipy Moses for paisting Medo Thirsten in the eye with a spit ball and Chitter Robinson for not singing in tune and he cant if he wanted to so what is the sence of licking him i dont see and Pewt for putting a carpit tack in Pheby Taylors seat. Pheby he is a feller you know and when he set on it he gumped up lively and let out a yell. Pheby dident tell he aint that kind of a feller but old Francis seamed to know it was Pewt and snached him bald headed in two minits and Whacker Chadwick for wrighting a note to a girl and Pozzy Chadwick for maiking up a face at him when he was licking Whack and Bug Chadwick for telling him to stop when he was licking Pozzy. the Chadwicks all got licked the same day. it aint the ferst time eether by a long chork and Skinny Bruce for drawing sumthing on the school house fence that hadent aught to be drew and Pacer Gooch for calling Gran Miller a nigger and he is a nigger whitch dont seem rite to me and Human Nudd, his name is Harman but we call him Human for wrighting with a squeaky slate pensil. he hadent enny other. i gess old Francis gnew this was his last day for licking for he never licks on Xibition day but is as nice as pye.
June 28, 186—-Gosh school is over. i cant hardly beleeve it. lots of peeple come in today and of course all the good boys and girls spoke peaces and direlogs and done xamples on the blackboard. Huh i am glad i am not a good scholar and a faveret of the teecher. last of all we give old Francis a silver pensil on a chane. the wirst of it was i had to chip in ten cents. the Chadwicks give a dollar. Whack sed that if he had gnew that they were all 3 going to be licked yesterday they wood have spent the dollar and woodent have given nothing. they needed that dollar two. ennyway school is out till September hurray.
June 29st. i just took it eezy to-day. the ferst day of vacation always seams to me like when you find a five cent peace in a pair of your last years britches. you can spend it for ennything you want and you havent got to save it or put it in your bank or by sumthing that you need. so yesterday after school closed i split up wood enuf for today and sunday, and today i just dident do nothing. a man and 2 wimen hired my boat and wanted me to row them up river but i told them i had a weak arm.
one of the wimen said poar boy what is the matter with it and i sed it dident know but it trubles me a good deal. then the other one sed whitch arm is it and i sed the right one and she sed you must be lefthanded and i sed yes i am a little. i lied about that but i dident lie about my week arm or about my truble with it. both my arms is week. if they wasent i cood lick Pewt and it trubles me becaus my arms is so skinny. the fellers laff at my legs two.
well the man hired my boat and i went with them and the man rew all the way and i had a good time only i had to be cairful to keep my right hand in my jacket pocket most of the time and point out things to them with my left hand. ennyway i cood row with one hand better than that man cood with too. he splashed and cougt crabs and once his heels went up and he went rite over on his back the wimen laffed and he laffed two.
June 30, 186—-brite and fair. i gnew it wood be. we had a new minister today. old mister minister preeched sumwhere elce but he come back in the afternoon to sunday school and started his club. everybody had to join. most of the fellers dident want to. Chick Chickering says he is glad he dont go to our chirch becaus if he did he coodent colect enny more butterflise and kill them with ether and stick them in a box with a pin. Chicks father is a minister two and he goes fishing and birdseging and butterfliing with Chick. i am glad my father isent a minster but if he was i wood want him to be like Chick Chickerings father. Gosh i always laff when i think of father being a minister.
he woodent be getting up clubs to save the lifes of flise and snaiks and intch wirms and moth millers and cockroches, but he wood gnock enny feller pizzle end upwards that raised time in chirch. today we had to a sine a book and pay five cents and promise not to take the life of animal or bird or reptil or insex.
Pop Clark asked what a feller had augt to do if a mad dog come down the street fomeing at the mouth and biting and taring rite and lef, or if a poizen adder or ratlesnaik coiled round your hine leg. the minister sed if it caim to be a question of the life of a human being or of an animal or a reptil of coarse the life of a human being shood be spaired. so he has got sum sence but not mutch.
June 31, 186—-i ment July 1, brite and fair. hoap it wont rane on the 4th. jest as soon as vacation comes i have a lot of gobs to do. spliting wood and going errands and cleening out the cellers and the barn and wirking in the garden. i woder what peeple think a vacation is for. i try to do evrything mother wants becaus in 3 days it will be the 4th.
July 2, 186—-only 1 day after this before the 4th. i went up to Pewts today. he has borowed Harris Cobbs cannon. it is an old lunker. Pewt says if you put in six fingers of powder and wads and then fill it to the muzle with grass and ram it tite it will shaik the winders all over town.
July 3, 186—-tomorrow is the 4th. i am going to get up at 3 oh clock. father says that is the erliest and if i get up one minit before that i wont go out at all. it seams to me 3 oh clock is prety lait. sum of the fellers stay out all nite.
July 5. brite and fair. i was so tired last nite that i coodent wright. i dident go to bed until nearly leven and i got up at 3 oh clock. it was the best 4th i ever had. Pewt's cannon xploded the ferst time. we loded it to the muzle and put the muzle rite agenst the stone step of old Nat Weeks house. then we lit the fusee and run. i gess it is lucky we done it for there was a feerful bang and a big flash jest like when litening strikes a tree rite in front of your house and a big hunk of that cannon went rite throug old Bill Greenleafs parlor winder and took sash and all and gnocked a glass ship in a gloab that the glassblewers blowed into forty million peaces and gnocked a big hunk out of the marbel top table and sent the things on the whatnot all over the room.
Bill he come downstairs in his shert tale and hollered and swore so you cood hear him fer eigt miles eesy. me and Pewt and Beany hid behine Pewts fathers paint shop and lissened. Nat Weeks he come out and old printer Smith and old Bill Morrill. Old Ike Shute dident. i gess he dident dass to. we cood hear them talking it over and cood hear Bill holler and sware and Bills wife say mersy sakes aint this dredful. they thogt it must have been did by Flunk Ham and Chick Randall or the Warren boys, all big fellers becaus they sed it must be big fellers to have sutch a big cannon. so me and Pewt and Beany clim over Fifields back fence and went down town throug Spring street.
Beany set fire to a bunch of fire crackers in his poket and birnt him so he can only sit down on one side. Fatty Melcher stumped Pewt to hold a firecracker in his mouth and let it go off. it is eezy enuf. all you have got to do is to put the end between your teeth and lite the other end and shet your eys. it will go off and burst in the middle and all you will get is a few sparks that dont hurt mutch. but this one was a flusher and it flushed at the end whitch was in Pewts mouth and a stream of sparks went rite down Pewts gozzle. you would have dide to see Pewt spitt and holler and drink water. he drank most a gallon and he wont speak to me becaus laffed.
All the Chadwicks got birned when they was blowing up old Buzell's fence posts, they was lots of fites down town and a house on Franklin Street and a barn on Stratam road birned up. it was the best 4th i ever gnew. Father sed about 2 more 4ths and he wood go out of bisiness.
i sed 2 4ths is eigt and he sed dont you try to be funny. if you do you will get a bat in the ear. so i shet up. when father says that it is about time to shet up.
July 6, brite and fair. saterday again. it is funny when i am in school i am crasy for it to be saterday but when it is vacation i hate to have saterday come. it means 2 things that aint very good. one is that another weak of vacation has gone and the other is that the next day is sunday both of whitch is prety tuf. tonite me and father went in swimming at the gravil. we had a good swim and then we floted down river. it was warm and the treetoads was crokeing and a peewee was peeweeing high up in a elm tree and bats was fliing and it was fine. evry now and then a fish wood splash or a mushrat dive.
when we got home all the folks was setting on the front steps and we got talking about the doodlebug club. father he calls it that. father sed they aint no fool like a dam fool and sed that once when he was in school his teecher old Ellis the father of Rody Ellis that i went to school to used to paist time out of the fellers jest for nothing. so the fellers they got prety sick of it and one day Jim Melcher and of coarse father, he and Jim Melcher always went together and Charles Taylor two and Oliver Lane and 2 or 3 others went out and batted down about a pint of bumblebeas with shingles. they got stang 2 or 3 times a peace but no feller minds being stang in a good caus. so the next day they went to school erly and poured all them ded beas in his old lether seat.
well old Ellis come in and rung the bell and sed prair and paisted time out of 2 or 3 fellers for exercise and toar the sherts off 2 or 3 others for old acquantence saik so father sed and then he set down hard in his chair and more than forty of the stings of them ded bumblebeas riggid in deth so father sed ran rite into him. well he let out a yell you cood have heard at Hampton Beach and gumped
rite over his desk and run out of the school house howling and holding hisself in both hands and sweling up feerful in grate aggony. and father he sed he was stang in forty seven places and swole up so that they had to get old killpigger Haley i mean pig killer Haley to get his briches off with a skining knife.
i wonder if old mister minister wood like bumblebeas if we done that to him.
July 7, rany as time. i thought i woodent have to go to chirch but what do you think it cleered up and the sun come out a hour before chirch. how is that for tuf luck.
July 8, rany not hard but drissly. i wood have went fishing today but there was a thunder shower this morning and fish wont bite after thunder but go down in deep holes and lay still. this afternoon we had the meating of the club. the minister talked lots and ansered questions. i asted him if we had aught to tare down spiders webs becaus they kiled flise. he sed yes then i asted him if the spider woodent starve to deth if he coodent ketch flise. then he sed spiders was sumtimes poizinus and i asted him if he had ever been bit by a horsefli. then we had speeking and Beany spoke his peace about
god made the little fli but if you crush it it will die
and then my sister Cele spoke the peace
do you know how meeny flise fli about in the warm sun
and the minister clapt his hands and we all did two.
then Tomtit Thompson sed he had a new peace about insex and the minister asted him to speak it and Tomtit dident want to, but the minister sed he had aught to be willing to help out in a good caus. Tomtit he sed he was afrade the minister woodent like it but the minister sed he was very sure he wood like it and so Tomtit he stood up and made a bow and sed his peace and it was jest bully.
now i lay me down to sleep while the bedbugs round me creap if one should bite before i waik i hope to god his jaw will braik
and what do you think the minister he got mad and told Tommy he was a bran from the birning and a apostate. i thought they wasent but 12 apostates ever and wasent enny now but that is what he called Tommy and he throwed him out of the club by the ear, wisht it had been me.
Well after Tommy had went the minister talked to us about how wicked it was for Tommy to use the name of god in sutch a conexion. I asted him why it was wicked to use it in conexion with a bedbugg when it wasent wicked to use it in conexion with a fli like Beanys peace and my sister Celes and he sed one was used in the spirrit of love and the other in the spirrit of hate. then we sung a hynm and went home. i wish i was Tomtit Thompson.
July 9, 186—-brite and fair. gosh what do you think. the committy of the chirch came to our house today and asted mother if she wood have the minister to supper as it was her tirn. mother sed certenly i wood be very glad to entertain him. after the committee left i sed gosh mother you told a awful whacker to them old wimmen when you sed you wood be glad to do it dident you. mother she laffed and sed peraps it woodent be as deliteful as it mite be but she wood try hard to be glad to do it and if i wood do my part and all the rest wood we cood give him a good supper and it woodent hurt us to do it. so we have all got to duff in.
July 10, it is going to be a weak from Friday nite that the minister is coming. Friday nite is the nite they have prair meeting and he will have to go prety soon after supper so he wont be there very long. aunt Sarah she sed what if he invites us to go and mother she sed she gessed father wood have a prety good xcuse ready. she never gnew him to fale. mother sed that 10 days wood give her time to get ready. we have all got to wirk. then mother sed she wood have to warn father not to say ennything tuf and warn the children not to speak when the minister was saying grace and not to notice the new napkins and thing like that and that she had got to sweep evry room and wash all the winders and rub up the silver and the caster and the caik baskit.
when father come hom tonite mother she told him about having the minister to supper and father sed gosh what for. and mother she sed George that is a nice way to speak about a minister and father he sed why can't you let me take him down to old Eph Cuttlers and get him a stake and sum fride potatoes and about 4 fingers of fusil oil whiskey and it wood do him a pile of good. mother she sed i am ashaimed of you George for talking so. why cant you take it serius and father he sed it is serius ennuf and i am trying not to burst into teers over it. honest if you wood let me take him to Hirveys resterant it wood save you a lot of truble. but mother sed no we must do our part and father he sed gosh he suposed so but it was tuf. then father he sed i suppose you wont dast to bat out the flise if he comes. then Beany hollered for me and i dident hear eny more.
July 11, brite and fair. i have got an idea. me and Pewt and Beany are goin to talk it over tonite. we are going to have chicken and gelly and hot bisquit and custereds and cold ham and cookys and whips and lots of other things for supper friday nite. Keene and Cele are going to sing shall we gather at the river and theres a chirch in the valley by the wild wood. father wanted them to sing little brown gug how i love thee and we'll all drink stone blind when Johnny comes marching home and Sally come up Sally come down Sally come twist your heal around the old man has gone to town Sally come up in the middle but mother sed no they must sing good chirch songs.
July 12, Keene and Cele and i washed the winders upstairs today. i had to lug about 2 million pales of water. i asted mother what was the use of washing the upstairs winders for him as he wasent going to stay over nite. father he sed if we fed him two mutch he mite have the collick and have to be put to bed and perhaps stay 2 weaks. he sed we must be cairful and not feed him to hy.
July 13, brite and fair, we washed the downstairs winders today. darn the minister ennyway.
July 14, brite and fair of coarse. sunday went to chirch of coarse, also sunday school. more tuf luck. the minister cant come Friday but will come Thirsday so he will have a hoal evening with us. gosh.
July 15, had to raik up the yard. i aint been fishing hardly this summer. darn the minister.
July 16, or ennywhere else eether. today i had to cleen the barn and woodshed and pile the wood up neet. i wonder who they think is entertaneing the minister ennyway. darn him to darnation. i hoap nobody will ever see this diry.
July 17. we are all nerly ded. mother and aunt Sarah has been cooking all day. Keene and Cele have been practising hynm tunes and i of coarse have did most all the wirk. Pewt and Beany come over tonite and fixed up what we shall do to the minister. jest you wait and see old mister minister. i bet mother wil be glad and Aunt Sarah two. Tomorrow the minister comes. i bet he will wish he dident.
July 18, brite and fair. we have had a grate time. i never had sutch a time in my life. i gess nobody ever did befoar. everyone is in bed xausted but me. they think i am in bed but i am wrighting this. last nite me and Beany and Pewt talked over what we shood do to the minister. i told them what father done to old man Ellis and Pewt wanted to do that but i thot perhaps i mite not get the rite chair to put the bumblebeas in and if father set on them i mite as well run away to sea. then peeple has been knowed to tare off their britches when they are stang by the hornits and bumblebeas and if the minister done that it would be very mortifiing to my mother and my aunt Sarah and my sisters Keene and Cele.
so we desided that woodent be proper althoug we wanted to like time. then Beany wanted to put a live snaik in his hat, but we desided the snaik wood scare mother and my aunt Sarah and my two sisters to deth. then Pewt he sed less dig up some of those red stink wirms behine the barn and put a handfull in his hat. you know they smell so that you have to use soft soap and sand and scrub your hands 2 or 3 days before you can get it off. so neether of us wanted to tuch one.
then i sed mother is going to set the table and put on all the chicken and gelly and butter and cake and creem and everything and cover them with the fli screens and shet the doors and have nobody go in until super is ready. super is to be at six and she is going to have evrything ready at five and then they are all going upstairs and dress up in their best and curl Celes hair and ty up Keenes hair with a red ribon becaus her hair wont curl and dress Georgie and Annie and Frank and the baby and maik father put on a cleen coler and shert and black his boots and promise to be cairful not to say ennything that would shok the minister, so i sed less go in the kitchen and ketch about 2 million flise and put them under the fli screnes, and they sed i was a buster to think it up.
well at five oh clock the table was all set and it looked fine. i never see it look so good. so after the folks had went up stairs me and Pewt and Beany clim into the kitchen and cougt a bushel of flise and tiptode into the dining room and lifted up the screnes and put them under. after we had prety near filled the screnes we tiptode out.
well father he came home and swoar when he had to put on a cleen shert and coler and i blacked his boots. i have to do evrything of coarse. that is what i am for so evryone thinks. mother had on her black silk dress with some lase round her neck and Aunt Sarah two and the girls was all dressed up and father two and they all looked fine. mother looked the best. she always does and Aunt Sarah the next. Keene sed i hadent blacked the back part of my shoes and that wasent enny of her business and so i told her to shet up and she made a face and run out her tung. then father he sed now if you two children begin enny of that you will go to bed lifely. so we both shet up. well we wated and wated and the minister dident come and we wated sum more and the minister dident come and i got scart, becaus if he dident come the folks woodent see the goke and i wood get time paisted out of me. well finally the bell rung and Cele went to the door. Keene was mad because she coodent and she started to run out her tung at Cele and then she remembered what father sed and she stoped just in time.
sure enuf it was the minister and he sed he was delade because he had to reprove thoughtless boys whitch were ketching small and innosent fish with sharp hooks. father whispered to me that is a hell of a reeson for keeping a man starving to deth and i laffed but nobody paid attension to me. well they all shook hands with the minister and Cele made a curtsy and sed tea is ready and we all marched out into the dining room mother and the minister first, then father and Aunt Sarah and then Keene and Cele and then the little ones and Georgie and i come last as i always do when there aint enny wirk to do.
well as soon as they got in i herd them all draw a long breth and then Aunt Sarah sed for mersey sakes and mother she sed for heavens sake and father he sed for goddlemity sakes and the minister he sed my greef what a disgusting site. well you cood hardly see the things to eat they was so covered with flise. then i winked at mother and sed
god made the little fli and if you crush it it will die
and then i winked again but mother she dident laff back and father grabed me by the neck and sed did you do this devilish thing and he shook me till i cood hardly say yes, when mother made him put me down. then she sed what did you do sutch a dredful thing for and when i heard her voice i woodent have did it for a $1000, and i sed becaus the minister was all the time preeching not to kill flise and mother and all of us was all the time more you dident kill them the more you had to flap out and it got so that you dident dass to eat a piece of currant cake or blewbery bred for feer it wasent what you thought it was and mother she sed and then i stoped quick for i dident want to get mother in a scraip but she sed go on and tell it all.
so i sed she sed that if the minister had to fite with about leven milion flise evry day in summer for evrything he et or drank she bet he woodent preech god made the little fli and then the minister he sed but my dear boy god did make the little fli dont you reelise that and i sed and god made swallows and kingbirds and leest flicatchers and spiders, what have you got to say about that. i had him there but father sed no imperdence young man tell us all. so i went on and told all about it, what Pewt sed and what Beany sed and what i sed and what we done. 2 or 3 times father had to coff awful and wipe his eyes. he sed he got sum pepper up his nose some how he dident know how. when i finished father sed you go to your room and i will see you laiter. so i went up stairs and wated a auful long time afrade father wood come up and lam time out of me. well bimeby Cele come up and sed very solum father wants to see you down stairs in the dining room. so i went down and there they all set at the table with a new super ready and the flise all flaped out. all but the minister. father he sed sit down boy and have sum super and i sed aint you going to lick me and he sed not if i know myself and i sed where is the minister and father he sed he has went home mad. i tride to get him to stay and eat super with us and i tride to get him to go to Hirvey's resterant and he asted me if i was going to punish you and i sed that was a matter between the boys mother and father and i gessed they wood have to settle that themselfs and the minister was mad and woodent stay.
mother she sed i dont think he was mad George, i think he was hert. father he laffed and sed well if i had acted so i wood have been mad but a minister was hurt. ennyway he will lern something some day i hoap. then he filled up our plates and we et and et and et and father told the funiest stories i ever heard. we laffed so we cood scarcely eet. that nite after i had went to my room father he come up to my room and opened the door and sed Harry are you awaik. i had heard him coming and put out the lite and gumped into bed. i sed yes sir and he sed
god made the little fli and if you crush it it will die
and then he shet the door and went to bed.
July 18, 186—-i bet that old minister wont come to our house again verry soon. we are going back to the unitarial chirch. they have got a new quire there and Keene and Cele are going to sing in the unitarial quire. it will seem kind of good to be there again, and there aint enny meeting in the afternoon only sunday school. i dont cair mutch about sunday school becaus they dont lern us mutch there.
today i rode horseback with Ed Tole. he has got a little red pony not as big as Nellie. it can go like time. Ed rides it without a sadle. when i ride without a sadle and sturups it nearly splits me in too, and hirts my backboan. today we raced. Nellie can trot faster than Eds but Eds can run faster. i woodent swap ennyway.
July 19, 186—-hot as time. today i met my uncle Robert. he aint my uncle Robert but is my fathers uncle. he is my great uncle so mother says. he aint half so big as my father. he is my grandfathers brother. my grandfather is dead. my uncle Robert aint quite. father says he is dead but dont know it.
well ennyway i met him and said how do you do uncle Robert and he sed whose boy are you and i sed i am George Shutes boy and he sed huh i hoap you will maik a better man than your father. i wanted to say sumthing sassy to him but if i had sed what i thought father wood have lammed time out of me. father always licks me for mispoliteness and imbehavior, so i jest looked at him scornful and tirned my back on him. he had went along so peraps he dident see me. i hoap he did. i bet my father is 5 times as good as uncle Robert. i asted mother and she sed i supose sum peeple wood say uncle Robert is best but i dont quite like his kind. i told father what uncle Robert sed and father laffed and sed i must not blame uncle Robert becaus after he was born they dident find it out for several weeks and so he got a bad start and hadent never cougt up. i wonder if that is true or one of fathers gokes i can always tell.
then father sed that Isac was a grate trile to uncle Robert he was so tuf, and Aunt Sarah she sed why George Shute you know that Isac never did a rong thing in his life and father sed no i gess he dident but if he had been aloud to go with me and Gim Melcher and Charles Talor and the rest of the boys we wood have made a man of Ike.
July 20, 186—-father has bougt 2 sheep. mother sed what in the wirld do you want 2 sheep for and father he sed he got them cheep becaus they dident have enny lamns in March. father says they may have sum enny time now and i must keep my eye pealed.
I have wrote a poim about our sheep.
my father he has got 2 sheep he got them most almity cheep but if them sheep dont have no lamns he'll fill the air with feerful damns.
ain't that a pretty good poim. i bet Pewt coodent wright that or Beany eether.
July 21, brite and fair. i dont cair this time for it seems good to go to the Unitarial once more. i bet Beany is glad. i bet Pewt is two. i staid in the barn until chirch time feeding my sheep. Keene was mad and sed i smelt awful barny. Keene feels prety big becaus she aint got to set in the same phew with me. Beany got stang by a hornet in the organ lof and one side of his face was all swole up. evry time he wood look out everybody laffed. so after chirch old chipper Burly told him he coodent blow the organ ennymore becaus he made faces and made the peeple laff. so Beany has lost his gob again. it was two bad becaus Beany coodent help it. we are going to get up a partition to get Beany back.
July 22, 186—-brite and fair. it is feerful dusty now and when we go across the street we stamp our feet and the dust comes up all over evrything. it is lots of fun when peeple are near you. went in swimming 4 times.
July 23. brite and fair. i had tuf luck today. first i got kept in the yard becaus i stamped some dust on 2 girls whitch was going down town in white dresses. mother heard them jawing me and come out and made me beg there pardon and she give them a brush and dusted them off and told me to stay in the yard all day. then this afternoon i dident have mutch to do xcept ho the garden. all the fellers was away fishing or swimming or buterfliing, so i dident have much to do and when old John Quincy Adams Polard went by all humped up over his cain i was picking buggs off the tomatoe plants and i jest coodent help it and let ding 2 joosy red tomatoes at him, the ferst whized by his head and he looked around jest in time to get 2th rite in the eye. well it squashed all over his face and he began to sware and to lam round with his cane and claw the tomatoe out of his eyes. then he come rite back to our house and i squat down behine the tomatoe plants. i was in a corner and coodent get out and he made for me with his old cain. i hollered for mother and she come out and stoped him after he had given me 2 bats and nocked down 3 tomatoe plants. well mother took him into the house and got sum water and towels and washed his face and promised to have his shert washed. then i had to beg his pardon. that made twice in one day. that is two mutch i think. then mother sent me to my room for the rest of the day. so i staid there reading for a awful long time and then i was trying to spit in the rane baril and mother caugt me and sent me to bed. a feller cant do nothing without being snached baldheaded.
July 23, 186—-today we wrote a partition to get Beany back his gob. it read like this,
mister Chipper Burley. Beany wasent making up faces last sunday when the peeple laffed. he was bit by 2 yeller jacket hornits behine the organ and he done prety well not to holler rite out loud. most fellers wood have done it but not Beany. his face was all onesided and looked so funny that peeple coodent help laffin. his face is funy ennyway but peeple have got used to it when it aint swole up. Beany woodent have stuck his head out if he had gnew how he looked. he was not to blaim. so he wants his gob back and we hoap you wil let him come back. Yours very respectively.
well we got a lot of people to sine. Earl and Cutts and father and Mr. Healy and Pewts father and old man Dow and evrybody that read the partition sined it and slaped their leg and laffed. sum of them roared and sed i gess old Chipper will take notise of that.
well then we drawed lots to se whitch wood read the partition to Chipper and i drawed the shortest one. i always do so i am not sirprized. i am going up to Chips tomorrow.
July 24. brite and fair. i went up to Chips today. he was in Boston.
July 25. if we dont have rane before long father says there wont be ennything to eat nex year. went up to Chips again today. he hadent got home from Boston.
July 26, i will never speek to Chipper Burley again. he has got the wirst temper i ever see. he gets mad for nothing. i never see such a man, i went up today. i met 2 or 3 men whitch sined the partition and they asted me if i had seen Chip and i sed no and they sed wel go up as soon as you can so i went up. a servant girl came to the door and told me Chip, only she sed mister Burley was in the greenhouse. so i went to the greenhouse and he was there with mister Busell and mister Alfrid Coner and old Charles Coner and Joe Hiliard. he asted me what i wanted and i told him and he winked at the other men and sed read it and i started to read it and i had jest got as far as mister Chipper Burley when he got mad and grabed it and toar it up and chased me almost down to front streete. i wish i gnew what he was mad about. i dident do a thing but jest start to read it. i bet i wont go there again.
July 27, 186—-rany and thunderry. i always thougt a girl with red hair and frekles wood taist jest loke dandylions when you bite them. i meen of course bite the dandylions. i meen when you kiss the girl. i dont know. some day i am going to find out.
July 28, 186—-i wunder why i wrote what i wrote yesterday. if i thougt ennybody wood ever read this diry i wood have toar that out. ennyway that is what i always thougt. i bet sum of the fellers know. but i dont. Beany has got his gob back. they coodent get ennyone else to taik it. his face has all gone down so it is not funny enny moar. at least it is not enny funnier than usual and we are used to that.
July 29, 186—-it was hot as time today. this afternoon me and Cawcaw Harding went up to the gravil to go in swiming and jest as we was jest ready to dive in a cold mist came up and we nearly froze befoar we cood find our close. i tell you we dresed prety quick and hipered for home. father sed it was a sea tirn and sumtimes horses and catel has been lost and froze to deth by them and i had beter be cairful about going in swiming when it is too hot. i never know when father is goking. one day i asted him what the fellers witch lived in south America and Africa did for snow-baling and he sed that the snow was so hot sumtimes that they had to cool their snowballs befoar they pluged them at other felers or they wood scald them or burn them bad. i gnew that father was goking that time but the nex day in school i read in a school book that a man once froze water in a red hot cup. so peraps he wasent goking after all.
July 30 186—-i have to cut grass for them sheep evry day now and it taiks a lot of time when i cood be fishing. i never see such things to eat. always baaing for sumthing to eat. today they et a whole cabbije i hooked out of J. Albert Clarks garden, and a bushel of grass i cut over by the high school and sum carots and sum meal and hay and a lot of potatoe pealings and 2 peaces of lettis and drank haff a pale of water and tiped over 3 whole pales full. one is tame and follows me round. that is the old one. the young one is wild and if i dont look out wil butt me when i aint looking and where i aint xpecting it. once she nocked me over and i hit her with a stick hard. so now when i get in the pen she gets in the corner. she knows she cant fool with me. i guess not.
July 31, 186—-this morning we heard a awful baaing in the sheep pen and father called me erly and we went out. what do you think they was 3 lamns there. 2 was ded. the old sheep the one that i liked becaus she was tame was the one whitch lamns was ded. she was runing up and down and smelling of them and baaing. then she wood waulk away from them and look round and see if they was folowing her and when she see that they dident she wood come back and baa sum more.
father he sed thunder that is too bad we will have to berry them. i dont want your mother to see them. it wil maik her feel terrible. so i got a spaid and father took up the 2 little lamns and we went out behine the barn and father dug a hole and then we rapped them up in sum brown paper and berrid them. when we went back to the barn the old sheep was baaing terrible and runing from one end of the pen to the other end. her eyes stuck out of her haid and she looked at us as if she was asking us where her lamns was. father sed thunder this is tuf what in time can we do. i sed i dont know and he sed he dident supose i did he never gnew me to know ennything when it was asted. so he patted her head and called her a good old girl and i got sum grass for her but she woodent eat. the other lamm was all right but the first thing i gnew the mother sheep nocked her oan lamn over. jest butted it over. father sed hell and he was over the fence in jest 2 secunds. then he let her up and she backed into a corner shaiking her head.
then the lamn kind of teetered up to her wobbly as time and tried to suck and she butted him again and nocked him down and father grabed her by the back of the neck with one hand and by the end of her back with the other and sed now old lady you will do one of 2 things in about 2 minits. eether nurse this lamn or go down to butcher Haleys. so i poked the lamns nose under the sheep and in a minit it was sucking like a good one and wigling its tale like a snaik when you step on its head. the old sheep tried to butt and kick and get away but she mite jest as wel have tride to brake away from a steal trap. i bet my father cood hold a wild bull of bastem that the minister talked about if he had him by the neck with one hand and the tale with the other. i tel you that lamn had a good time. after he dident want enny more father put him in another pen and let the old sheep go. this noon he held her again. it took us so long that it was too lait to go to chirch. i bet i dident feel bad. after dinner father held her again. tonite he held her a few minits and then he let me hold her. she only yanked once but i held her as good as father.
August 1, 186—-this morning father dident have time to hold the sheep so he hollered up-stairs for me to get up and hold her. then i heard the door of the hack slam and i thought as long as father had went to the trane i woodent hurry and the nex i gnew mother was shaiking me and teling me that it was eigt oh clock and that my lamn was bleeting terrible. so i gumped up and dresed and run down and put the lamn in the pen and clim after it. the old sheep backed into a corner when i went towerds her and stamped her front foot and befoar i cood gump to one side she hit me with her head and nocked me flat. i gnew beter than to get up and so i roled over towerds her and got her by the legs and then i got a good grip in her wool. we had a regular rassel and she draged me all over the pen. i held on like a good feler and bimeby i got her in a corner head ferst. then the lamn woodent come to suck. i gess he was scart. i dident blame him for i was scart two. if i hadent been scart i would have let go so i hollered for Keene but nobody caim. i cood hear them ratling dishes and eating breckfast and i was most starved to death and i dident dass to let go of that old sheep. so i hung on and began to call the lamn. it wood baa and come prety nearly up and then run back. bimeby it come so near that i cood reech it but when i let go of the sheep with one hand she began to kick and strugle and i had another rassel with it. i was most tuckered out when she stoped to rest again. then i hollered for sumone to come but nobody caim. then i hapened to think that in the Swiss Family Robinson that the father was triing to ride a wild ass and it kicked and bit and rared and plungged and the only way to stop him was to bite his hear. so when he rared up strait he grabed his ear with his teeth and bit it throug and the ass got down on his feet once more and stoped kicking and biting and plungging and he never had enny moar truble with him.
so i made up my mind that when that sheep began to tare round again i wood try it. so bimeby the little lamn come up close and i let go one hand to stick the lamns head in place when the old sheep began to try to get away and i got both arms round its neck tite and grabed its ear with my teeth and bit as hard as i cood. well i wish you cood have saw what hapened. i never gnew wether she tirned a back summerset or i did. i gess we both did. she led out a baa and slamed me down on the floor and trod al over me and butted me over and tride to gump out of the pen. while i was on the ground and she was steping on me i caugt her by the legs and down she went and most squashed me flat and one of her feet trod on my head. you jest bet i hollered and then Keene and Cele and mother and Aunt Sarah come out and told me to get out of the pen befoar i was killed. i had been triing to get out ever since i bit her but she seamed to be evrywhere to onct. when they come she ran into a corner and i clim out. i was all covered with dirt and my nose was skined and my close toar. Keene asted me if i had ben playing ring round the rosy and mother told her that she must wash and mend my close for that before she went out of the yard. so i gess Keene wont be so smart another time. i went back to my room and changed my close and washed my face and hands and mother put some plaster on my face. then i had breckfast.
tonite i am so tired that i cant wright enny more. tomorrow i will tell how we fed the lamn. i have got so i can handle the sheep all right. Sam Dire done it.
August 2 186—-brite and fair. yesterday after i had my breckfast mother told me to ask Sam Dire what to do to fed the lamn. mother says Sam Dire is the lady from Philydelfia like the story of the Peterkin family in the young folks. when the Peterkin family in the magasine is stuck and dont know what to do they go to the lady from Philydelfia who tells them jest what to do. so mother sends for Sam Dire when she dont know what to do. so Sam he came over and clim into the pen and grabed the old sheep and held her until i got the lamn and it had enuf.
then Sam he went over to the blacksmith shop and he made 2 rings of iron. then he got a strap with a buckel and he put the strap with a ring on it round her neck. then he fassened a peace of closeline to the ring and run it throug the other ring whicht he had fassened to a beem in the corner and brougt the end of the roap out of the pen and tide it. so all i have to do now is to pull her up to the ring and ty the roap. then i get my gnee agenst her and she cant move. i done it at noon and at nite. she holds back when i pull but when i brace my feet agenst the side of the pen and pull you bet she has to come. that was prety good of Sam. tonite father nearly dide when i told him about biting her ear and mother told him how i looked. he went over and paid Sam 25 cents and told him he was a beter inventer than the man which invented hot water and i tell you Sam was pleased most to deth.
August 3, 186—-i think Lizzie Tole is the pretyest girl i ever see in my life. it looks as if Beany wood get her. still i am hoaping.
August 4, 186—-i woodent have ennybody read this diry for 2 million dollars. i am very cairful about it. Beany is a prety good feller but there is sum things that no feller can stand. i gess Ed Tole likes me better than he does Beany but Lizzie dont. I wood ruther have it the other way. still i am hoaping. Beany may see sumbody he likes better. so may she. i hoap it will be me. i forgot to say that this was sunday. i tride to get father to let me stay at home to taik cair of the sheep but he woodent. he staid home himself to look after them. i dont think that is fair. they was a thunder shower this afternoon. it was after chirch of coarse. it was a ripper. it struck a tree up on Coart strete and split off a big lim. i have to wirk prety hard cutting grass for them sheep.
August 5, 186—-i have to wirk harder than enny feller i know. all Beany has to do is to split kinlins and lug in wood and get water from the well with the old chane and windlas and that is always fun becaus a feller always splashed the water all over him and sumtimes the chane brakes and they have to fish for it with hooks and sumtimes things get in the well and you cant use the water for a long time and then Beany has to come over to my house. once a cat got drownded in Beanys well. Beany cood see it floating round but me and Beany was mad and he sed he never wood come over to my house again or speak to me as long as he lived. so Beany dident say nothing to his family but kep on luging in pales of water. bimbye the water began to smel bad and taist feerful and Beanys father xamined the well after about a week more and found the old ded cat and there was a dredful time and Beany got a licking and had to come over to our house for water until his well was clened out. ennyway we had made up. gues what we got mad about. i treted Lizzie to gibs and Beany got mad and woodent speek to me or to her. then he bought a prize packige of candy and got a ring that was wirth a grate deel of money and gave it to her and now she goes with Beany and dont speek to me. i am never going with girls again. ennyway me and Beany are all rite again.
August 6, 186—-brite and fair. Pewt is wirking for his father painting the Academy fence. he says he gets one dollar and a quarter a day. gosh i wunder if he does. Beany says Pewt dont get fifty cents a year. Pewt woodent wirk if he dident get paid. he always has got money too. so i gess he gets sum pay. i almost never have enny money xcept when i let my boat and bisness is poar this summer. i doant beleve i have ernt 2 dollars this summer. i think father had aught to pay me fer all the wirk i do. i am tired of that old sheep. i wish a dog wood come in some day and kill it. we all like the lamn. it is geting so it can eat grass a little. evry day i ty the old sheep out in the grass. i wish it was ded. evry time it baas i have to give it sumthing. i wood like to give it sum poizon.
August 7, 186—-hot and thundery. Cele is reading the bible throug. she reads a chapter evry morning. she is terible religius. she is a grate reader of dime novels. she reads all mine. father lets me read them. he says he likes to read them himself. it is all indian fiting. Cele has read Nat Todd the Traper and Billy Bolegs and Scalploc Sam and Mountain Mike and One Eyd Pete and lots of them. she says she likes the bible best. i dont beleve it. she has got as far as the 2th palsam. once father made me lern a palsam. he gave me 10 cents. i have tride to forget it and it is most forgot. it goes like this.
day unto day utterith speach and nite unto nite showeth gnowledge.
there is no speach nor gnowledge where thy voice is not heard. that is all i can remember now. once i cood say it all but i dident know what it ment. i gnew what the 10 cents was for.
mother dont believe it wil do Cele eny good to read dime novels but father says it will help her atain a hapy medium.
August 8, 186—-mother dont like to have Cele read dime novils. father dont cair. i dont cair much so long as father dont stop me. of course Cele cood read mine after i had got throug them, but Cele wont do that. she is two good for this wirld. it is funny. Cele is as stuffy as a bull dog but she has got a new England consciense, so father says, and if mother tells her not to read dime novils she woodent do it to saive her life. but if Cele thougt it was rong to read dime novils mother and father cood lam time out of her but they coodent maik her read them. she thinks it is rite to read dime novils but if mother tells her not to she wont read them if you cut her rite hand off. that is Cele.
August 9, 186—-me and Cele are reading Wild Mag the Trappers Bride. she has got to the nineth palsam now. she gets the novil when i am cutting grass for that old sheep and i get it when she is reading the palsams. i bet i can remember the novil beter than she can the palsam. i bet she can two. Keene dont read eether. she is reading Weded but no Wife in the New York Legger. i think mother dont like that eether. tonite mother and father had it out. father sed he thougt it wood be all rite for Cele to read novils but if mother sed no it was going to be no and that is all there was about it. Keene coodent keep still and sed it aint nice to read dime novils and mother sed it is wirse to read Weded but no Wife in the Legger and father sed that is jest dam rite Joey, he calls mother Joey, and so Keene has got to stop reading that story. Cele cried and Keene was mad. i dident yip and nothing was sed about me. i know when to keep quiet as well as the nex one. this is one of them times. after we had went out i told Cele i wood read it and tell her all about it but she sed no it woodent be rite and she went off balling and wiping her eyes. she red 2 palsams today to make up. i am glad i havent got a New England consciense. it is a awful thing to have when they is enny fun going. i hoap i shal never have one.
August 10, 186—-brite and fair. the ferst chirch is going to have a picknic a week from nex Tuesday. father says i cant go becaus i am a unitarial. i dont see why. i used to go to the ferst chirch.
August 11, 186—-sunday today. it raned hard all day. it is the ferst time i ever gnew it to rane on sunday, and i gess it is the ferst time it ever did in this wirld. I sed i wood like to go to the ferst chirch and sunday school but father he sed not mutch young man, but so long as you are so anchious to go to chirch you can go to the Unitarial with your sister Celia. i tride to get out of it but he made me go. so me and Cele went. this is one of the times when i dident know enuf to keep still. i am going to that picknic sumhow. unitarials dont never have picknics. that is the only thing i have got agenst them.
August 12, 186—-in 3 weks from today school begins again. i dont like to think of it. it is a shaim. i waulked down town with the ferst chirch minister Mister Borows today. he asted me why we dident go to his chirch enny more and sed that he missed my sisters singing in the quire. he dident say ennything about missing me. i told him we was all crasy to get back to his chirch and sunday school, only i called it sabath school becaus ministers always call it that and evrybody else doesnt. he asted me if we become crasy to get back about the time we heard of the picknic and i sed no not exackly then, for we had always felt like that way but we was more crasier when we heard of that. all he sed was hum. that can meen most ennything you know. i am going to that picknic sumhow. i wish that old sheep was ded. if i see a bear climing the fense to kill that sheep and take off her skin and rap it up in a neet roll the way bears do and then eat it, i mean the sheep and leeve the skin and i had a gun in my hand i woodent shoot that bear. that is the way i feel about her. evry time i want to go ennywhere i have to taik cair of that old sheep ferst.
August 13, 186—-i havent seen a show in Exeter for a long time. i wish i gnew how i was going to that picknic.
August 14, 186—-i was going fishing all day today and taik my dinner with me but of coarse i had to come back at one oh clock to feed that darned old sheep. i wish we lived in a bear country.
August 15, 186—-brite and fair. perhaps if i did i woodent dass to go fishing. ennyway i wish that old sheep was ded. i am still hoaping to go to that picknic.
August 16, 186—-we have had a terrible xciting time here today. if it hadent been for Cele we wood have lost our sheep. me and Keene fit hard with clubs and broomsticks and kicking in the ribs and pulling his tale but Cele done it. i shood never have thougt of it. but Cele did. father says Cele is a heroin. he says Cele has got some branes but that me and Keene has got moar curage than jugment. He says mother has got some branes two. i gess father was tickled to deth about it.
well this is the way it was. old Henry Dow has got a awful cros dog. when it aint tide he keeps it with him. today it got untide or knawed its roap and the ferst i gnew i heard Keene begin to screach and a growl and a kind of choking sort of baa. i was up in the barn lof, but when i herd that i come down prety quick. when i got there old Dows dog had that sheep rite by the gozzle and had throwed it down. the lamn was trembling and baaing and Keene was lamming that dog with a broom jest as hard as she cood paist him and screaching as loud as she cood. he dident mind the broom stick enny more than a fether. i ran up and kicked him in the ribs but that dident maik him let go. i got hold of his tale and pulled and kicked but he hung on. they was maiking a awful choking growly noise. mother run out and then run back and i herd her pumping a pale of water and i run for the ax. jest as i got it and come out of the shed Cele come taring out of the house with sumthing shiny in her hand and throwed it rite in that dogs nose and eys, and he let go and began to howl and paw at his eys and nose and role over and tare round. people were running into the yard and mother come out with a pale of water jest as Sam Dire clim over the fense with a red hot iron in his pinchers and come taring up. the dog had scooted for hom howling bludy murder and when Sam got there he was so xcited he put the red hot iron on the sheep and set its wool afire. we wood have had roast lamn for dinner if it hadent been for mother who throwed her pale of water part of it on the sheep and part of it on Cele who got in the way. the funny part of it was that when we xamined the sheep we found she wasent hurt mutch. the bull dog had got his teeth partly in her thick wool and partly in her lether coller. she was scart about to deth and kep hudling up against us like a cat. Keene she sed she saw the whole of it. the old bull dog started for the lamn and that old sheep whitch had never liked the lamn gumped rite in front of it with her head down and the bull dog gumped and grabed her instead of the lamn. if he had grabed the lamn he wood have killed it to onct. tonite father asted more than 40 questions about it. he sed we al done splendid. that me and Keene showed grate curage but that Cele and mother showed grate jugment. he nearly dide laffing when he heard Sam Dire set fire to the sheep. he sed he gesed Sam dident want to lose his heat. father asted Cele how she hapened to think to do that and that is the funny part of it. sumtimes you have to laff at funerals. well Cele sed that in Scalploc Sam a bear had a deth grip on his dogs throte when Scalploc Sam he grabed his pepper pot and throwed a hanful of pepper in his eys and nose and while the bear was ritheing in agony and filling the welkin with horid roars and snarls and growls Scalploc Sam loded his thrusty riffle and slew him. slew means kill.
so that give Cele the idea and she done it. she sed she dident get enny help from the palsams. so mother is going to let Cele read dime novils if she dont read two many. then Keene up and sed that she had aught to be aloud to read Weded yet no wife but mother she sed no. so father give Keene 15 cents and gave me ten cents. i told him he had aught to let me go to that picknic but he sed he dident believe in eleven hours conversion i told him i had been thinking about that picknic for eleven days and he laffed and sed i would have to get along with that ten cents. i tell you we was all tired tonite. i think father had aught to let me go to that picknic. i am still hoaping.
August 17, 186—-today that sheep let the lamn suck and seamed to like it. she rubed agenst me and was as tame as the old one was. if she is going to ack that way i shall like her. Beanys father is going to let Beany go to that picknic. Mister Watson Beanys father rings the town bell and is the ganiter of the ferst chirch. Beany always has all the luck. i dont have enny. it is most time for that picknic but nobody aint sed nothing to me about it yet. i am still hoaping.
August 18, 186—-when i woke up this morning it was raining hard and it raned all day. this is the ferst time i ever gnew it to do that and the 2th time i ever gnew it to rane on sunday. today i split the wood and luged it in and fed the sheep and did all them things that i have to do and most felers dont have to do and then i read awhile and we talked about the bull dog and the sheep. then i rote a poim about it.
one day in sumer in Au-gust. it was so hot we nearly bust my sheep was painting with the heat when a dog came taring down the street and then without delay or pause he gumped on them with teeth and claus
P.S. a dog aint got no claus to clau with, only nails and nails woodent rime with pause.
he seezed that sheep by her white throte and shook her till she was all aflote he wood have killed her ded rite there when my sister Keene who you coodent scare let out a screech you cood heard a mile and laid on a broom in her very best style and while she was taning his mizable hide i give him sum feerful kicks in the side and squashed him almost perfictly flat but he wodent let go for all of that till my sister Cele came runing out with a scornful look on her hansom snout
(P.S. a second time. it is a kind of mean thing to say about my sister Cele but it is a good rime ennyway as long as i sed she was hansome i dont beleeve she wood cair.)
and she throwed in that dogs face and eys peper enuf to make 40 Kyann pepper pyes and that dog let go and begam to yell and howl as if he was rite in hell
(P.S. 3th we unitarials say there aint no hell but i aint sure)
and he made for home on the cleen gump jest as mother came out with a pale from the pump and old Sam Dire clim over the fench with a red hot iron and a munky rench
(P.S. again. fench is ment for fence. poits can do this whenever they have to)
and he set on fire that poor sheeps fur and that was the best he cood do for her, but mother throwed that pale of water half on the sheep and 3 fourths on her daughter and Cele sed Sam you dam big lout just what in hell are you about?
(P.S. once more. my sister Cele never sed that really. she wood ruther cut her rite hand off than use such langage. but nobody but me will ever read this)
and Sam sed looking verry wize i apoller-oler-ollergize. and then thinking he better not stop he clim the fence to his backsmith shop and oh how grateful that sheep must feel to me and mother and Keene and Cele. but old Sam Dire has went to his shop where we certingly hoap old Sam will stop.
(P.S. the last time. we really dont hoap so becaus we all like Sam very mutch. Sam is one of the best fellers we ever gnew. But i had to finnish the poim some way. ennyway Sam wont ever read it.)
There i think they aint many better poims than that. i bet the Exeter News leter wood put it in their paper if i dassed to let them. i bet Beany coodnt have wrote it. i bet Pewt coodent have either.
August 19, 186—-tomorrow is the last day before the picknic and i am still hoaping. it will be prety mean if i cant go to that picknic. i am stil hoaping.
August 20, 186—-hooray i am going to that picknic. i had almost given up hoap. mister minister Barrows come and asted me if i wood let my boat for the picknic. i sed i never let my boat to a picknic unless i rew it myself becaus i never gnew who wood row it and how they wood treet it and once they dident bring it back at all but after they had used it all day they left it up river and dident pay me and i had to go up after it and when i had waulked three miles up river i found it on the other bank and it was too cold to swim across and i had to waulk way back to the brige and then go up on the other side to get it and it took me most all day and the boat was all full of dried mud and ded hornpout and i had to spend the rest of the day in washing it out and dident get enny pay.
wel he sed they wood pay me well and wood treet the boat verry carifully but i sed i coodent trust enybody eether to pay for the boat or to take cair of it. so i sed i gess i dident want to let the boat unless i did the rowing and was there to look after it. i sed it was the only boat i had and that father was always telling me not to let evry Tom Dick and Harry have it jest becaus they wanted it.
he sed he wood assure me that everything wood be all rite if i wood tell him how mutch i wanted for it but i told him he coodent have the boat unless i went with it and he had beter get a boat of sumbody elce. he sed that my boat was large and safe and that nobody elce has so good a boat.
i told him that wasent my fault but that was the way i did business, so after awhile he sed well if i wood promise to do all the rowing that he wanted he wood ingage me and my boat and he is going to give me 50 cents. i only get 25 cents most of the time but i thougt i had augt to get 50 of him. so he sed all rite and i am going. when father come home i told him the minister had sed that if i wood come to the picknic and help row the boat he would give me 25 cents more than i usally got, and he sed i cood do it if he wanted me as bad as that. i dident tell father all i sed to the minister or all he sed to me. i dont think the minister wanted me very bad. i think he wanted the boat more. enny way he had to do it. tomorrow i am going to wash the boat out and i bet i will have a good time. Keene says she woodent want to go where she wasent wanted but i told her that when they paid me twice as mutch as i usally got it showed that they wanted me prety bad. so Kerry coodent say mutch to that.
August 28, 186—-it is almost time for school to begin and i have lost a hole week in bed and my life has been despared of. i dont beleeve enny feller ever was so sick as i have been and still lived to tell the tale. doctor Pery sed he never gnew a feller to go throug what i have went throug and live. it was that darn picknic that done it. doctor Perry says they aint a doctor in Exeter that dont lay in a lot of extry caster oil and rubarb and sody and a new popsquert and get a lot of sleep the nite befoar a chirch picknic. he sed that a collick from eating two mutch is bad enuf but when a feller is all swole up with poizen ivory leeves two it is wirse.
it is a very long story and i dont beleeve i can write it out all in one evining becaus sumtimes my head goes round like a button on a barn door so father sed.
wel the morning of the picnic i got up erly and washed out my boat and had it at the worf when the peeple come down. mother sed she dident want me to go unless i took sumthing for them to eat so she put me up a half dozen donuts and sum sanwiches and sum apple tirnovers and a little bottel of pickels. well i thougt they wood have enuf for all of the people without that and so i et it all while i was washing out the boat. i gnew i was a going to have a hard days wirk and i wanted to be ready and after i had hid the basket and had the boat reddy the peeple began to come down to the worf. they had baskets and pales and paper boxes and ice creem freesers and bottels and plaits and goblets and mugs and cups and brown paper packages of coffy that smeled awful good and made me hungry again althoug i had et a hole basket full.
well the minister was there with a long taled coat and a white neck ty and decon William Henry Johnson and decon Ambrose Peevy and Aunt Hannar Peevy and Widow Sally Mackintire and lots of them and evrybody was talking and laffing and stepping on things they hadent aught to step on and puting things in rong places and loosing things jest like old peeple always do.
the ferst thing they done was to pile on to the worf so many that the worf sunk down and the water come over it and wet most of there feet and they al screached and hipered up the bank and then begun to blame me for it as if i had done it when i was in the boat and dident tuch their old worf. and Mrs. Lydia Simpkins shorl went floting down river and i had to row out and get it and she sed i had augt to know better than to get too many peeple on a worf and wet their feet and they thougt i done it a purpose. sum peple wood have given me ten cents. she mite have thanked me. the minister was all rite. he sed it wasent my falt. so they was more cairful nex time and one at a time they tiptode acros the worf and got into the boats. i had my boat full and al the women grabed at the sides of the boat and hollered wen it rocked the teentyest bit.
but after they see i gnew what i was about they begun to have a good time draging their hands in the water and setting one sided. it made it awful hard to row but i dident say nothing but rew as hard as i cood. i dident know until we got to the eddy woods why it was so hard. it was becaus Thomas Edwin Folsoms coat tales were draging in the water all the way. if i had gnew that i dont beleeve i wood have sed nothing. they sung songs like lightly row, lightly row ore the sparkling waives we go and rocked in the cradle of the deep and come away come away theres moonlite on the lake and row brother row the stream runs fast the rapids are near and the boat is—-sumthing or other i have forgot. they always sing songs like them.
when we got up to the Eddy they got out and the decons coat tales were driping over his hine legs so he took his coat off and hung it on a lim of a tree to dry. then i had to lug all the baskets and pales up the bank. befoar i went down for a second lode of peeple Mrs. Dearborn give me 2 more sanwiches and 3 donuts and a drink of lemonade for rowing them so good and when i had et them i started down river again. it was bully to se how eesy that boat went after the people was out. it was jest as eesy as nothing at all. i met all the boats comeing up. they was rowing evry whitch way. the oars was splashing and not keeping time. there was one man whitch thougt he was a grate rower. he set in the back rowing seat and had 2 or 3 full groan peeple in the front part of the boat and a little dride up woman who dident weig more than a empty basket on the back seat and she was triing to steer the boat. the bow of the boat was sunk down and the stirn was up in the air so that the ruder dident tuch the water. the boat would swing round and the man wood pull sideways till his face was all one sided and jaw at his wife becaus she dident know enuf to steer a boat, and she wood paw back that she gnew as mutch about steering as he did about rowing. they were having a real good time.
then i met Beany with 2 fat wimmen in the stirn seat and in the front seat Beany was up so high that his oars cood hardly reech the water and the boat was one sided becaus one woman was twice as fat as the other and the other peeple were leening over the side of the boat and Beany was sweting like a horse and mad enuf to bite a peace out of the bow of the boat and eat it and he was going about one mile an hour and his face was as red as Skiny Bruces hair. i set up and rew with long even stroaks and fethered my oars and dident splash a bit and the boat went on an even keel with little whirlpools when the oars came out and when i passed Beany the peeple in his boat sed dont that Shute boy row well, i wish he was rowing this boat. if he was we wood get there sum time today. and Beany was mad and i heard him say huh old Plupy is only showing off.
well when i got back to the worf there was sum more peeple wating with sum milk cans of lemonaid, and a freeser of ice creem and i was so hot from rowing so hard that i set down and brethed hard and wiped my face and held my head in my hands. they asted me if i was sick and i sed no only xasted becaus i am so thirsty my throat is dry. so they give me a glas of lemonaid and a saucer of ice cream and 2 peaces of cake and after i had et that i sed i felt better and was ready to row them up. they asted me how long it would taik and i sed if they wood set so the boat wood run even i wood do it prety quick. so they done as i sed and i rew steddy by the gravil and the oak and the cove and the fishing bank to the willows whitch is haff way and they give me 2 glasses of lemonaid and when i had drank it i started again and rew stedy till i got to the last tirn when i passed Beany and the other boats that the old pods were rowing.
when i went by Beany he sed i bet you havent been way down to the worf old Plupe and the peeple in my boat sed he surely has and the fat wimmen in Beanys boat sed the nex time we come up we will get him to row us and not you Elbrige. i sed to myself low so they woodent hear me i bet you wont if i can help it.
well i landed my peeple at the bank and luged up their stuff befoar Beany got there. when he got there a awful funny thing hapened. Beany he give 2 or 3 long stroaks to land the boat and he done it pretty good for him. while the boat was running in Beany balanced in the bow ready to gump out and hold it. well when he done it and lifted the bow to pull up the boat the stirn went down so far that the water came over the side of the boat and the fat wimmen were setting in about six inches of water. well they screeched and tride to get up but they was weged in so tite that they coodent till 2 of the men gumped into the boat and yanked them up and you augt to hear them lay into Beany. the back of their dreses was sopping wet.
wel peeple had put up swings and fellers was pushing girls in swings and runing under them and sum were swinging in hammocks and sumone had bilt a fire and sum were setting the tables and sum were setting down on shorls and cushings and children were playing copenhagin and going to Gerusalem and it was a lively time.
i wanted to have sum fun but the minit i landed 2 wimmen that i had never saw befoar wanted me to go out with them to get sum flowers and leeves for their table and of coarse i had to go but as i was prety well tuckered out i made them give me one more glas of lemonaid and 3 sandwiches. that was better than nothing and after i had drank it and et them i was reddy and we went off in the boat. i rew them across the river and we found sum vines with shiny leaves and a lot of yeller dazies and sum cardinel flowers and the wimmen made reaths of them one for eech plait on the table.
while we was doing this sum more people come and they began to make reaths and i helped them. bimeby we had enuf and we went back to the picknic with our arms full. when we got there they was a big crowd round sumthing on the ground and we run up and found that Beany had fell out of a swing and had hit on his head. he swang the higest of enyone when he fel out and if he hadent hit on his head it wood have killed him. it made him kind of squint eyd for a while and his head was on one side for 2 or 3 days but it dident hurt him.
miss Lewccretia Baley had spraned her anckle by steping in a hole and had to set with her anckle rapped up in a shorl. but i notised she et as mutch as ennyone, and Tommy Tomson had got a fishhook in his leg and had to have it cut out. evryone was having a good time and i cood smell the coffy.
after Beany was pernounced out of dainger and was able to crawl round and drink about 3 glases of lemonaid before dinner was ready, sum fellers is pigs ennyway, i had to row sum moar peeple up river for sum cardinel flowers. before i done this i got them to give me 2 creem cakes and a peace of blewberry pie. i aint like Beany always waiting to eat without wirking for it. a feller has to eat in order to wirk good.
well when i had et them i rew the people up river and when they wood see a cardinel flower they wood holler to me and i wood row the boat up to the place where the cardinel flower was and they wood pick it and holler over it and then we wood go on. the river was kind of low and the banks were steep and slipery where the cardinel flowers grew and Charlie Lane, the feller whitch was in the boat, had on sum white britches and we had got enuf and was going back when one of the wimmen sed oh see that splended one we must have that one. so i rew up and Charlie got out and clim up and got the flower whitch was a big one 2 or 3 feet above the water. when Charlie got it he turned round and sed
the rose is red the vilet blew the pink is sweet and—-
and his hels flew up and he set down in the slipery mud and slid rite into the water, that is his hine legs went in to his gnees but he grabed the boat and that stoped him. his white britches were wet and covered with green slime to his gnees and the seat of his britches was black with mud. the wimmen nearly dide laffing and Charlie sed mersy sakes what a mess. most evry other feller wood have swore feerful but Charlie doesnt sware and is a good young man. that is why we call him Charlie.
well Charlie sed he gessed he wood woulk home and change his britches, he called them his pants, and so he got out of the boat and clim up the bank and started. i dident tell him he was on the rong side of the river becaus he dident ast me and i supose he gnew what he was about. the last i see of him he was going towerds Kensinton. while i was sick i sort of wurred about him but when i ast mother she sed he was in the store. he works for old Gid Lyford.
when we got back to the picknic old Mrs. Bolton had had a spell and the minister and Decon Sawyer was lifting her into Miss Susan Parkinsons caryall to drive her home. sum feller had throwed a teeny little bull toad in her lap. huh i shood think that was a prety thing to have a spell for. i never see ennyone have a spell. i wish i had got there in time to see it. Beany sed it was grate fun and elvrybody injoyed it.