The Absurd ABC
by Walter Crane
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The absurd ABC originally published 1874.

A for the APPLE or Alphabet pie, Which all get a slice of. Come taste it & try.

B is the BABY who gave Mr Bunting Full many a long day's rabbit skin hunting.

C for the CAT that played on the fiddle, When cows jumped higher than 'Heigh Diddle Diddle!'

D for the DAME with her pig at the stile, 'Tis said they got over, but not yet a while.

E for the Englishman, ready to make fast The giant who wanted to have him for breakfast.

F for the Frog in the story you know, Begun with a wooing but ending in woe.

G for Goosey Gander who wandered upstairs, And met the old man who objected to prayers.

H for poor Humpty who after his fall, Felt obliged to resign his seat on the wall.

I for the Inn where they wouldn't give beer, To one with too much and no money, I fear.

J does for poor Jack and also for Jill, Who had so disastrous a tumble down hill.

K for calm Kitty, at dinner who sat, While all the good folks watched the dog & the cat.

L for Little man, gun and bullets complete, Who shot the poor duck, and was proud of the feat.

M for Miss Muffet, with that horrid spider, Just dropped into tea and a chat beside her.

N for the Numerous children they who Were often too much for their mother in Shoe.

O the Old person that cobwebs did spy, And went up to sweep 'em Oh ever so high!

P for the Pie made of blackbirds to sing, A song fit for supper a dish for a king.

Q for Queen Anne who sat in the sun Till she, more than the lily resembled the bun

R stands for Richard & Robert, those men Who didn't get up one fine morning till ten!

S for the Snail that showed wonderful fight, Putting no less than twenty-four tailors to flight!

T stands for Tom, the son of the piper, May his principles change as his years grow riper.

U for the Unicorn, keeping his eye on The coveted crown, and 'ts counsel the Lion.

V for the Victuals, including the drink, The old woman lived on surprising to think!

W for the WOMAN who not over nice, Made very short work of the three blind mice.

X is the X that is found upon buns, Which, daughters not liking, may come in for sons.

Y for Yankee Doodle of ancient renown, Both he & his pony that took him to town.

Z for the Zany who looked like a fool, For when he was young he neglected his school.


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