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The Book of Good Manners
by W. C. Green
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THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS

A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS

W. C. GREEN



THE BOOK OF GOOD MANNERS is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.



ACCEPTING OR DECLINING INVITATIONS. See INVITATIONS, ACCEPTING OR DECLINING.



ACCIDENTS. See STREET ETIQUETTE—MEN—ACCIDENTS.



ADDRESS. The address of a person may be stamped on the stationery.

If the address is stamped, it is not customary to stamp also the crest or monogram.



ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

MEN. A man should be addressed as Mr. James J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not the two together.

The title belonging to a man should be given. It is not customary to use Mr. or Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.

WOMEN. A woman's name should always have the Miss or Mrs.

A woman should never be given her husband's official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.

If a woman has a title of her own, she should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson, when the letter is a professional one. If a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.



ADDRESSING PERSONS. Young girls should be spoken of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie, but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie. Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man in addressing a young girl as Minnie.

Parents should introduce their daughter as My daughter Minnie, but should speak of them before servants as Miss Minnie.

A married woman should be spoken of as Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed as Mrs. Wilson.



ADDRESSING AND SIGNING LETTERS. All answers to invitations should be addressed to the party issuing them.

Letters to a woman who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs. Wilson.

Letters to a man who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr. Wilson.

For forms of addressing persons with titles, as Mayor, see under that title—as, Mayor, Governor.

The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or Very truly yours, or I remain yours with kindest regards.

The signature of a man should be John J. Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.

An unmarried woman should sign social letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson. In signing a business letter, a married woman may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson, or, preferably,

Agnes Wilson (Mrs. John Wilson)



AFTERNOON CALLS. These should be made between three and half-past five, and if possible on regular at home days.

In making an afternoon call a man should wear the regulation afternoon dress.

DRESS—MEN. Afternoon dress consists of a double-breasted frock coat of dark material, and waistcoat, either single or double- breasted, of same, or of some fancy material of late design. The trousers should be of light color, avoiding of course extremes in patterns.

White or delicate color linen shirts should be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and undressed kid gloves of dark color.

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons, church funerals, and at all afternoon functions.

See also EVENING DRESS—MEN. MORNING DRESS—MEN.



AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. See AFTERNOON TEAS. GIVEN BY BACHELORS, See BACHELORS' TEAS.



AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL). These are very successful as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense and few exactions, and are given with many purposes: to introduce young women into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a number of her friends, to honor some woman of note, etc.

A formal afternoon tea is one for which cards have been issued, naming set date.

Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another African Teas man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.

A policeman should be detailed for the occasion to keep back the onlookers, and should receive a small fee for his services.

At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.

CARDS. Each guest should leave a card in the tray in the hall.

A woman may leave the cards of the men of her family who have been unable to attend.

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

DAUGHTERS. The daughters who have passed the debutante age usually stand for an hour beside their mother to receive the guests, and afterward mingle with the guests to help to make the function a success.

DEBUTANTE. When a tea is given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside the hostess (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced to her. Flowers should be liberally provided, and friends may contribute on such an occasion.

The host and the men all wear the regulation afternoon dress.

Women wear costumes appropriate to the afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the elaborateness of the function.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving, provided they do not come at the opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing- rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them.

On entering the room, the women precede the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those receiving with her, the guests move into the middle of the room.

Guests go the dining-room when they wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving. If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands.

In the dining-room the men, assisted by the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

HOST. Except when a newly married couple give a house-warming or a reception, the host does not stand beside his wife, but spends the time in making introductions, and doing his best to make the function a success.

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

HOSTESS. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door, ready to receive each guest as announced.

The hostess shakes hands with each guest, and introduces them to those receiving with her.

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.

HOURS. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

INTRODUCTIONS. The hostess should introduce her guests to those receiving with her. See also INTRODUCTION.

INVITATIONS. Engraved invitations are sent a week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.

They are usually issued in the name of the hostess only, though they may be issued in the name of both husband and wife.

In place of the visiting-card, an "At Home" card may be used, or cards specially engraved for the purpose.

When cards are sent to a married couple, the cards are addressed to both husband and wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

INVITATIONS, ANSWERING. It is not necessary to accept or decline these invitations, as the guest accepts by his presence. If unable to do so, he should send by mail or messenger a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during the ceremony.

When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

If the woman in the family is the only one present at the function, she can leave cards for the rest of the family.

MEN. Both the host and men wear the regulation afternoon dress, consisting of the long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather shoes complete the costume.

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases—remembering that he must offer his ungloved right hand to the hostess.

SHAKING HANDS. Guests on being presented to the hostess should shake hands. If guest takes leave of hostess, they should shake hands. If the hostess is surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

WOMEN. Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, even though their names may be announced upon entering. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided for the purpose, or give them to the servant at the door.

Women wear a costume appropriate for the afternoon, and keep their hats and gloves on.



AFTERNOON TEAS (INFORMAL). An afternoon tea is a simple entertainment. Refreshments are generally served to the guests. An innovation lately introduced has become quite popular —namely, young women, invited for the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing in one dainty at a time.

An afternoon tea is called a formal afternoon tea when engraved cards have been issued, naming set date.

CARDS. Guests should leave cards in the hall, or hand them to the servant. Women may leave the cards of the men of her family. Those unable to attend should send card the same afternoon by mail or messenger.

See also AFTERNOON TEAS (Formal)-Cards.

DRESS. Both men and women wear afternoon dress.

GUESTS. All guests, both men and women, wear afternoon dress.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving or departing—provided they do not come at the opening hour, nor stay to the last moment.

After the guests have left their wraps in the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in the tray in the hall and enter the drawing- room, the women preceding the men.

After greeting the hostess and being introduced to those assisting her, the guests quietly move away and mingle with the rest.

Each guest goes to the dining-room when he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is not necessary upon departure to shake hands with the hostess at a large reception, though it is better to do so at a small affair.

It is not necessary for a guest to stay the entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient.

HOST. If present, he does not receive with his wife. It is not essential that he be present on such an occasion.

HOSTESS. The hostess wears full dress. Daughters may assist, or young women may be asked to do so.

HOURS. From four to seven.

INVITATIONS. For an afternoon tea a visiting- card may be used with the hour and date written or engraved on it. They may be sent by mail or messenger.

The invitation need not be acknowledged.



AFTERNOON WEDDING RECEPTIONS are conducted the same as Wedding Receptions, which see.



AGRICULTURE, SECRETARY OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.



AISLE PROCESSION. See WEDDING PROCESSION.



ANGLICAN CHURCH ARCHBISHOP. See ARCHBISHOP.



ANGLICAN CHURCH BISHOP. See BISHOP.



ANNIVERSARIES—WEDDING. These are as follows:

First year...................Paper

Fifth year.................Wooden

Tenth year ..................Tin

Twelfth year.............Leather

Fifteenth year ..........Crystal

Twentieth year.............China

Twenty-fifth year.........Silver

Thirtieth year ............Ivory

Fortieth year.............Woolen

Forty-fifth year............Silk

Fiftieth year............ Golden

Seventy-fifth year...... Diamond

Less attention is now paid than formerly to all those before the silver wedding. For specific information, see SILVER WEDDING, TIN WEDDING, etc.



ANNOUNCEMENT—ENGAGEMENT. See ENGAGEMENT PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT.



ANNOUNCING GUESTS—BALLS. The hostess decides whether or not the guests are to be announced. At public balls it is customary.



ANSWERING INVITATIONS. See under FUNCTIONS, as DINNERS, INVITATIONS, etc.



APPLES should be pared, cut into small pieces, and eaten with finders or forks.



ARCHBISHOP OF ANGLICAN CHURCH—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord Archbishop, may it please your Grace, and ends: I remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Lord Archbishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain, my dear Lord Archbishop.

The address on the envelop is: The Most Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.



ARCHBISHOP OF ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH—HOW ADDRESSED. An official or social letter begins: Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: The Most Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.



ARTICHOKES are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The solid portion is broken up and eaten with a fork.



ASPARAGUS. The stalks may be taken between the finger and the thumb, if they are not too long, or the green end may be cut off and eaten with a fork, scraping off with the knife what is desired from the remaining part.



AT HOMES.

AFTERNOON AT HOMES. The days for receiving are engraved in the lower left hand corner of the card, with hours specified if one wishes.

No changes should be made in these hours by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons, and she should always be present at the time set.

Unless very intimate, the call should be made only on the specified days.

BACHELORS. It is not customary for a bachelor to use "At Home" cards as a woman does, nor to invite his friends by writing a date and Music at four on his calling-cards in place of an invitation.

DRESS. In the afternoon the caller should wear afternoon dress, and in the evening evening dress.

ACKNOWLEDGING INVITATIONS. Invitations to an ordinary at home need no acknowledgment.

INVITATIONS. Cards for an "At Home" are engraved with the hour for beginning the entertainment—as, Chocolate at 4.30 o'clock. The invitations to a formal "At Home" should be sent in two envelopes, but to an ordinary "At Home" in one envelope. For informal affairs the hour may be written on an ordinary "At Home" card.



BACHELORS' DINNERS. They follow the usual custom of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as desired. Women may be invited. Such dinners are often given for men only.

CALLS. Women do not call upon a bachelor after attending a dinner given by him.

CHAPERONE. If women are present, a married woman as chaperone is indispensable, and her husband must also be invited. The host should call upon the chaperone and personally request the favor.

The chaperone is taken into dinner by the host, unless the latter takes in the woman in whose honor the dinner may be given. In the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the host's left. She gives the signal for the women to leave the dining-room.

All guests should be introduced to the chaperone, and she should be called upon after a short time by the host.

DRESS. All guests wear evening dress.

HOST. The host should call upon the chaperone within a few days after the dinner.

If men only are present, he either precedes or follows the guests into the dining-room, and if he has given the dinner in honor of some man, he has the latter seated at his right. His duties are the same as the host at dinners.

INVITATIONS. These are usually given in brief notes, but may be engraved, and are similar to the regular invitations to dinners, and are treated accordingly.

MEN. The men wear evening dress, and follow the same etiquette as at other dinners.

WOMEN. The women wear evening dress, and follow the same etiquette as at all dinners, except that no calls are made by them afterward upon the host.



BACHELOR'S FAREWELL DINNER. If the groom wishes, he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins, link cuff-buttons—or neckties and gloves, if he wishes—to the best man and ushers.



BACHELORS' LUNCHEONS. These are conducted like BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see. The one difference is that, should the luncheon be given before 6 P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.



BACHELORS' OPERA PARTIES. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.



BACHELORS' SUPPERS. These are conducted the same as BACHELOR'S DINNERS, which see.



BACHELORS' TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS.

CHAPERONES. If women are present, a married chaperone is indispensable, who should be the first person invited by personal call.

The chaperone at a small affair pours the tea, and at a large one she receives with the host, and each guest is presented to her.

The host conducts the chaperone to her carriage, and also any other women who may have assisted her.

DRESS. The hosts and guests wear afternoon dress.

INVITATIONS. These maybe oral, brief notes, or, for a large affair, engraved, and should be sent from three days to a week in advance.

HOST. The host should greet his guests at the door, shaking hands with each one, and introducing to the chaperone those not known to her.

He introduces guests who are strangers to each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the women to the door, and escorts the chaperone to her carriage, and if she has come alone without one, may very properly escort her home.

If at a large reception several women have helped him entertain, he should thank them and see them to their carriages.

He will, of course, see that there is provided a dressing-room for women with a maid to wait upon them, and that the rooms are in good order, well furnished with flowers, and that the refreshments are attended to. See also INVITATIONS.

MEN. Afternoon dress is worn.

WOMEN. The invitations, engraved or oral, should be promptly acknowledged.

Women wear dress customary at afternoon teas, and on their entrance should greet the host. Upon departing they take leave of him, though this is not necessary if the reception be a large one.

If a young woman knows that a chaperone is present, she need not have her own chaperone accompany her.

If the chaperone leaves early, she should do likewise.



BACHELORS' THEATRE PARTY. See THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN.



BADGES—BALLS (PUBLIC). It is customary for men and women on the committees to wear on the left side of the breast ornamental badges, embroidered with the official position of the wearer.



BAGGAGE. If a man is traveling with a woman, he should see to the checking and care of her baggage. See also TRAVELING.

WEDDING TRIP. The best man should, some time before the wedding, see that the baggage of the bridal couple has been checked, and the checks given to the groom. See also BEST MAN.



BALLS. A ball is an evening function, beginning at a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing. The costumes are more elaborate, the supper arrangements more extensive, and the floral decorations more lavish than at a dance.

ACCEPTING INVITATION TO DANCE. While a young woman may accept or decline any invitation to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy to refuse one man for a dance and to accept an invitation thereafter for the same dance from another.

ANNOUNCING GUESTS. The hostess decides whether or not the guests are to be announced. At public balls it is customary.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS. These should be answered immediately, and if declined, the ticket should be returned.

ARRIVING AT. There is no set rule when guests should arrive.

In the city, guests should arrive anywhere between eleven and twelve, and in the country, fifteen minutes after the hour set in the invitation.

ASKING WOMEN TO DANCE. A man asks for the privilege of a dance either with the daughter of the hostess, with any guest of the latter, or with any young woman receiving with her.

On being introduced to a woman, he may ask her for a dance, and should be punctual in keeping the engagement.

It is her privilege to end the dance at any moment she wishes, after which he should conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat for her, after which he is at liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.



BALLS, ASSEMBLY. The etiquette at an assembly ball is much the same as at a private ball, the functions and duties of the hostess being filled by a committee of women selected for that purpose.

On entering the room, the guests bow to the committee and pass on.

It is not necessary to take leave of the committee.

CARRIAGE. A man should provide a carriage in which to call for the woman he escorts and her chaperone.

CHAPERONES. For a small ball given in a private house, the hostess need not invite the mothers of the young women, and the young women can properly attend, knowing that the hostess will act as a chaperone.

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite the mother as well as the daughters, and the chaperone as well as the debutante under her care. The mother can send regrets for herself, and send her daughters in care of a maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining a suitable time, she may entrust her daughter to the care of a chaperone who intends to remain the whole evening.



BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.

DRESS. A debutante should dress in white or some extremely delicate color, and wear very little jewelry—some simple brooch or single piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.

DUTIES OF DAUGHTERS. Except at her own debut, a daughter does not assist her mother in receiving. She should be ready, however, to see that young women have partners, and to speak, without introduction, to strangers.

GUEST OF HONOR. If the ball is given in honor of some special person, he should be met on his arrival, introduced to the women of the reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared for him, and be looked after the entire evening.

At the end of the ball he should be escorted to his carriage.

DUTIES OF HOST. It is not necessary that a man receive with his wife. He should do all he can to help make the ball successful, especially if his name appears on the invitation. He should assist in finding partners for the women, taking the chaperones into supper, preventing the men from selfishly remaining in the dressing-room, and at the end escorting unattended women to their carriages.

When a formal supper is served, he takes into supper the leading chaperone.

DUTIES OF HOSTESS. As a ball is an entertainment for dancing, it is better to give two small balls where the guests are not crowded than one where they are. It is permissible for a hostess not having sufficient room to hire rooms in some place suitable for the purpose.

In selecting guests, it is wise to have more men present than women.

The hostess should see to it that the rooms are well ventilated and well lighted. An awning and a carpet from the street to the hall door should be provided.

The hostess should stand near the door, prepared to receive the guests as they enter, shaking hands with each one, friend or stranger, and introducing any woman who may receive with her.

A hostess herself should not dance until late in the evening, unless she knows that nearly all her guests have arrived.

A wise hostess will personally see that the women are provided with partners, and that diffident young men are introduced.

The hostess should see that the floor is suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one for the men and one for the women, are arranged for with suitable attendants.

The hostess should stand where the guests can take leave of her, and should shake hands with each when leaving.

HOURS. In the city the hour for a ball to begin is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country the hour is earlier—from 9 to 9.30.

A public ball begins promptly at the time mentioned in the announcement.

INVITATIONS. These are issued from ten to twenty days before the ball, and should be answered immediately.

For an impromptu dance, they may be issued within a few days of the affair.

These invitations should be engraved. As a general rule, it is not now customary to put on them the letters R. S. V. P.

But when an engraved invitation is posted, two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing the person's name only and unsealed, and the outer bearing both the name and address and sealed.

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a masquerade or costume, the invitation should have some words to that effect in the lower left hand corner—as, Costume of the XVIIth Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.

INVITATIONS ASKED FOR STRANGERS. If a hostess receives a request from friends for invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly refuse all such requests, and no friend should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what she has no right to ask and which the hostess is under no obligation to give. If the hostess chooses to grant the request, well and good.

She would naturally do so when the request is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the one making the request.

A man should never ask for an invitation to a ball for another person, except for his fiancee or a near relative.

A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend. She should take care that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom the latter does not desire to invite. No offense should be felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.

INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable for her to borrow the visiting list of some friend. The friend, however, arranges that in each envelope is placed a calling-card of her own, so that the invited ones may know that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.

INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation should be answered as soon as possible, and in the third person if the invitation was in the third person. The answer should be sent to the party requesting the pleasure, even if many names are on the invitation.

When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.

INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a woman at a ball, he should ask her for a dance.

MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration for his friends demands that a man who can dance should do so.

To accept an invitation to a ball and then refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking in good breeding.

A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.

It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to request a dance of a woman to whom he has been introduced.

A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It may be at the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.

It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the guests follow her lead.

A man should see that his companion's chaperone is comfortably seated, and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance. Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old friend.

It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide to retire, and no man should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.

MEN—CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage for her and her chaperone.

MEN—DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in summer or winter, city and town.

Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn at all balls.

NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY NEWCOMERS.

PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS—PATRONESSES.

TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it customary to give a tip to the men and women in charge of the cloak-room.

SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more easily handled and arranged for. Supper at tables requires many servants, much preparation, and great care.

WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, they should decline the invitation. The father can act as escort if need be.

After greeting the hostess and guests, the guests pay their respects to the head of the house if he is present.

Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.

It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man. A mother, elder sister, or married woman takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried woman.

If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her chaperone. It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to dance that same dance with another.

Both the hostess and the women wear their most elaborate costume for such an entertainment- decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.

For a less elaborate affair the costume may be plainer.



BALLS, ASSEMBLY. See ASSEMBLY BALLS.



BALLS, COSTUME. See COSTUME BALLS.



BALLS, DEBUT. See DEBUT BALLS.



BALLS, PUBLIC. See PUBLIC BALLS.



BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. See SUBSCRIPTION BALLS.



BANANAS. The skin should be cut off with a knife, peeling from the top down, while holding in the hand. Small pieces should be cut or broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they may be cut up and eaten with a fork.



BARON-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be your Lordship's obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson, very sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lord Wilson.

DAUGHTER OF. See DAUGHTER OF BARON.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF. See WIFE OF YOUNGER SON OF BARON.



BARON, YOUNGER SON OF—How Addressed. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Honorable John Wilson.



BARONESS-HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship's most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends. Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.

The address is: To the Lady Kent.



BARONET-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain, sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson, or Dear Sir John, and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope is: To Sir John Wilson, Bart.

WIFE OF, See WIFE OF BARONET.



BEST MAN. The best man is usually a bachelor, but may be a married man or a widower, and is selected by the groom. He fills an important position, requiring tact, administrative ability, and capacity to handle details. He acts as the groom's representative, confidential advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.

On the morning of the wedding-day he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.

He breakfasts with the groom, and together they drive to the church.

CALLS. He should call on the bride's mother within two weeks after the ceremony, and also on the married couple upon their return from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. He accompanies the groom into the chancel, and stands by his side till the bride appears, when he receives the groom's hat and gloves, and stands a little way behind him. When the clergyman bids the bride and groom join hands, he gives the ring to to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom's carriage and to return him his hat. He signs the register, if a witness is needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.

Especially is this a good arrangement if the best man has to walk with the maid of honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DRESS. If the bride presents the best man with the boutonniere, he should go to her house on the wedding-day to have her put it in the lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.

See also GROOM-DRESS.

EXPENSES. The best man is the guest of the groom, and in matters of expense this should be borne in mind.

REPORTERS. If such is the wish of the family of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters, and furnishes them with the names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description of gowns, and other details deemed suitable for publication.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The best man escorts the maid of honor, and they are usually seated at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. The best man stands with the married couple, and is introduced to the guests.

WEDDING TRIP. He should arrange beforehand all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the point of destination, and is in honor bound not to betray it, save in case of emergencies. He should see that the married couple leave the house without any trouble, and if the station is near, he should go in a separate carriage (provided by the groom) to personally attend to all details. He is the last one to see the married couple, and should return to the house to give their last message to the parents.



BEST WISHES TO BRIDE. One should give best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom.



BICYCLING. A man bicycling with a woman should extend to her all the courtesies practised when riding or driving with her, such as allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous places, riding on the side nearest obstacles, etc.

MEN—DRESS. A man should wear the regulation suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all eccentricities of personal taste.



BIRTH (Announcement). If wishing to send congratulations after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.



BISHOP OF THE ANGLICAN CHURCH—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Lordship's most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My Dear Lord Bishop, and ends: I have the honor to remain, my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

The address on the envelope: To the Right Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.



BISHOP (PROTESTANT)-HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your obedient servant.

A social letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson, and ends: I remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of, Montana.



BISHOP (ROMAN CATHOLIC)—HOW ADDRESSED. An official or social letter begins. Right Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant.

The address on the envelope is: To the Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of Ohio.



BONNETS (THEATRE). A woman of any consideration should either wear no bonnet or remove it when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.



BOUQUETS (WEDDING). The bouquet carried by the bride is furnished by the groom, who should also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.



BOWING

MEN, When leaving a woman at the door of her house, he bows and retires as the door is opened.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat on closing the door.

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.

In elevators, when women are present, the hat should be removed.

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing a woman should raise his hat.

Men do not raise their hats to one another, save out of deference to an elderly person, a person of note, or a clergyman.

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat, he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.

It is the woman's privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.

A man may bow first to a very intimate friend.

Meeting a woman to whom he has been introduced at an entertainment, he should wait until she bows first.

After bowing to a woman, the man may join her, and with her permission may walk a short distance with her.

He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time. She may excuse herself and pass on. He should not feel affronted.

If he meets a woman he does not know accompanied by a man he does know, both men bow.

The man accompanying her should bow to every man or woman to whom she bows.

WOMEN. A woman's bow should be dignified— a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the head.

Women bow first to men when meeting in the street. A man may bow first if the acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary. It is the woman's privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.

A man bowing and joining a woman on the street must ask permission to do so. She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on. If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it. Such conversations should be brief.



BREAD should be broken into small pieces, buttered, and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. The bread should be placed on the small plate provided for the purpose.



BREAKFASTS. Breakfasts are generally given from ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock.

CALLS. A call need not be made after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

DRESS. Street costumes are worn by men and women.

GUESTS. Guests leave half an hour after the breakfast.

HOURS. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

INVITATIONS. Cards are engraved and sent a week in advance for formal breakfasts, but for informal breakfasts they may be written. If given in honor of a special guest, the name is engraved on the card—as, TO MEET MR. WILSON.

MEN. Men are usually invited, and they are often given for men. Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

MEN LEAVING CARDS. After a breakfast a man should leave a card for host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

WOMEN. Women wear street costume, including gloves, the latter being taken off at table. Women remove their coats and wraps, but not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

WEDDING. See WEDDING RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS.



BREAKING DINNER ENGAGEMENTS. When it is absolutely necessary to break an engagement made for a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as possible to the hostess, either by special delivery or messenger, giving the reason and expressing regrets.

BRIDE. The bride selects the church and the clergyman, and can, if she wishes, ask the latter personally or by note to perform the ceremony. She selects the music for the ceremony and the organist, names the wedding day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids. Of the bridesmaids, she may select one, some near friend, as the maid of honor, to act for her, as the best man does for the groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better. Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.

CHURCH. On the wedding-day, after receiving the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her house, she goes to the church with her father (or nearest male relative), and leans upon his arm as they proceed up the aisle, following the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet (or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her. They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, "Who giveth this woman away?" or, "To be married to this man?" her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom's right hand. After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes, the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride's left hand. When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband's right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom's carriage.

DRESS. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in white-full dress, day or evening. Gloves need not be worn in the church. The bridesmaids provide their own outfit, unless the bride asks them to dress in a style of her own selecting. In this case, she supplies them gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may wish.

FAREWELL LUNCHEON. While a farewell luncheon given to the bridesmaids by the bride is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a woman to entertain her female friends the last time in her father's house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

GIFTS. The bride may give to the groom a ring as an engagement ring if she wishes. She should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also present them with flowers. If she presents boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers, they should appear at her house before the ceremony and have her place them in the lapel of their coats.

She should acknowledge immediately the receipt of all wedding gifts.

GLOVES. The bride need not wear gloves in the church.

INVITATIONS. At a church wedding the bride usually provides the bridesmaids with extra invitations for their personal use.

KISS. Only the parents of the bride and her most intimate relatives should kiss the bride. It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

SEEING GROOM ON WEDDING-DAY. It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the wedding-day till she meets him at the altar.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The bride and groom occupy the centre one of the small tables.

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together—the bride and groom leading the way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.

WEDDING RECEPTION. She should stand by her husband's side to receive the best wishes of all present. The guests are not announced, but are introduced by the ushers to the bride if not known to her.

The bride should not leave her place to mingle with the guests until all have been introduced to her.



BRIDE'S FAMILY. See FAMILY OF BRIDE.



BRIDE'S FATHER. See FATHER OF BRIDE.



BRIDE'S MOTHER. See MOTHER OF BRIDE.



BRIDEGROOM. See GROOM.



BRIDESMAIDS. The bridesmaids are selected by the bride, and number six, eight, or twelve— mostly eight. She usually gives them a dinner a few days before the wedding, at which she shows them the trousseau and discusses the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place. The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a substitute may be secured.

CALLS. They call upon the mother of the bride within a week or ten days after the ceremony, and upon the bride, in her own home, after her return from her wedding trip.

CARRIAGES. A carriage provided by the family of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to the wedding breakfast or reception.

CHURCH. They meet at the house of the bride, and there take their carriages to the church. While their carriages follow that of the bride, they alight first and receive her in the vestibule. They may carry bouquets supplied by the bride's family or the groom.

In the procession up the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide—one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for the bridal party to pass.

In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honor to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride's home to assist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DANCING. At the wedding breakfast or reception dancing is sometimes indulged in.

DINNER TO MARRIED COUPLE. The bridesmaids usually give a dinner to the married couple on the latter's return from their wedding trip.

DRESS. They usually follow the wishes of the bride in the matter of dress. Should she desire any particular style of dress, entailing considerable expense, on account of novelty or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit, which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.

GIFTS. It is customary for them to send a wedding gift to the bride.

They usually receive a pretty souvenir from the bride and a bouquet from the groom.

INVITATIONS. At a large church wedding several invitations are usually given to the bridesmaids for their own personal use.

REHEARSALS. They should be present at all rehearsals.

WEDDING BREAKFASTS. They pair off with the ushers, and are usually seated at a table by themselves.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. They stand beside the married couple, and are introduced to the guests.



BROTHER AT DEBUT. A brother, when his sister's debut takes the form of a supper or dinner, should take his sister (the debutante) into dinner or supper.



BUTLER—TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving a house-party where he has been a guest to tip the butler who acted as a valet.



CABINET ( U. S,), MEMBER OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of State.



CAKE. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, and then eaten with fingers or fork.



CALLS. Unless close intimacy exists, calls should only be made on the specified days.

ASKING MEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. A debutante should leave this matter to her mother or chaperone.

A young woman, until she has had some experience in society, should be very careful in inviting men to call.

She should not invite a man to call whom she has met for the first time. No man should be invited to call until she is assured of his social standing and character.

In some parts of the country men first ask permission to call, and in other parts women first ask men to call.

ASKING WOMEN TO CALL ON WOMEN. It is generally the custom for the married or elder woman to ask the unmarried or younger woman to call.

BACHELORS' DINNERS. See BACHELORS' DINNERS —CALLS.

BREAKFAST. See BREAKFASTS—CALLS.

BEST MAN. See BEST MAN—CALLS

BRIDESMAIDS. See BRIDESMAIDS—CALLS.

CHAPERONES. See CHAPERONES—MEN CALLING.

BUSINESS. A business man may call in street dress upon a woman before six o'clock.

Social visits may be made in the same manner.

DAYS AT HOME. Calls should only be made on the regular "At Home" days, and the hostess should always be present on that day. Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.

DEBUTANTE. See DEBUTANTE—CALLS.

DRESS. When making an afternoon call, a man would wear afternoon dress, and evening dress in making an evening call.

HIGH TEA. See HIGH TEA—CALLS.

HOURS. When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours from two till five in the afternoon, while business and professional men may call between eight and nine in the evening, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

LENGTH. A formal call may last from fifteen to thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer.

LUNCHEONS. See LUNCHEON—CALLS.

MEN. AFTER ENTERTAINMENTS. After an entertainment a man should call in person on host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed, it should be accompanied with an apology.

To call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.

When calling on the hostess but not on the host, a man should leave a card for him. If the hostess be out, he should leave two cards.

Married men can return their social obligations to women by personal calls, or the women of the family can leave the men's cards with their own.

A call should be made the day following a luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a dinner, or at least within a week. A call should be made within a week after a ball.

After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted, or leave his card, and should call within a week on the remainder of his guests.

MEN CALLING ON MEN. At the beginning of the season it is usual to leave a card for each member of a family called on—one card for husband, wife, "misses," and guest, or rest of the family. Sometimes two cards answer the purpose.

They may be sent by mail or messenger.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. A man should call only on "At Home" days, especially when making the first call, unless specially invited. He should call at the hour appointed.

When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours —from two till five o'clock.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

A business man may call in street dress before six o'clock, and the same dress in the evening, if intimately acquainted.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

Evening or other than mere formal calls should not be made, save by special invitation.

The first call should last not longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is correct to ask for all the women of the family.

At the first call he should give his card at the door. At following calls it is optional whether to give a card or merely the name, asking at the same time for the person one desires to see. When the servant's intelligence seems doubtful, or the name is an unusual one, it is safer to give a card.

When a woman invites a man to call without specifying when, it is not considered as an invitation at all, but merely as a formal courtesy.

It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or otherwise an invitation to call from a woman. It is her privilege to make the first move in such matters; otherwise she would be placed in an embarrassing position.

When an invitation specifies the hour, every effort should be made to be punctual. It is impolite to be too early or too late.

At a formal call, when others are present, a man should not be seated unless invited to do so. He should leave as others come in, and not remain longer than ten or fifteen minutes.

A man having a card or letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If she is out, he should mail it to her, and she should at once notify him whether he may call.

If a caller is a stranger to the young woman's hostess, he should send his card to the latter and ask to see her.

The chaperone may, if desirable, give a man permission to call upon the woman under her charge.

A man should not call upon an unmarried woman until invited by her to do so. He may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

GLOVES. Gloves need not be removed at a formal or brief call.

ENTERTAINMENTS. At entertainments a man should give his card to the servant at the door or leave it in the hall.

A few appropriate words of greeting should be addressed to the hostess and host as soon after entering as possible.

Personal introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, "At Homes," etc. One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.

When light repasts are served, as teas, ices, etc, a man should put his napkin on his knee and hold the plate in his hand.

He should depart with as little ceremony as possible—a bow and a smile, if host and hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He should not shake hands and try to speak unless it can be done without becoming conspicuous.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN—HAT. A man making a formal or brief call should carry his hat in his hand into the parlor.

SHAKING HANDS. A man should not offer to shake hands first, as that is the privilege of the women.

MEN—DRESS. In making ceremonious calls, men wear afternoon dress, and after six o'clock evening dress.

See also AFTERNOON DRESS—MEN. EVENING DRESS—MEN.

PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS—CALLS.

THEATRE. See THEATRE—CALLS.

USHERS. See USHERS—CALLS.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Very intimate friends can call personally. Friends of the groom who have no acquaintance with the bride's family should send their cards to those inviting them.

Those who do not receive wedding invitations, announcement, or "At Home" cards should not call on the married couple, but consider themselves as dropped from their circle of acquaintance.

WOMEN RECEIVING AND INVITING MEN. The invitation to call should be extended by the woman, and if she does not specify the time, will naturally be considered as an act of courtesy, but not as an invitation.

These invitations should be given with great care by young women. It is better to have the invitation extended by her mother or chaperone.

A married woman may ask a man to call, especially if she have unmarried daughters. An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to specify. A man may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

At the beginning of a season, a man who desires the further acquaintance of a woman should leave his card in person for all the members of the family.

A formal call, or the first call of the season, should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire for all the women of the family.

A man should call only on "At Home" days, unless especially invited to come at other times. The hostess should be home on all "At Home" days, unless sickness or other good cause prevents.

In the absence of "At Home" days, or specified time, calls may be received at any proper hour, according to the locality of the place.

When men make a formal call at other than specified time, the hostess may justly excuse herself. The caller would have no ground for offense.

Intimate friends need not hold to formal hours for paying calls.

Men of leisure should call only at fashionable hours—from two to five in the afternoon.

Evening calls should not be made by other than business or professional men, unless the acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless they are specially invited.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o'clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o'clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

A business man may call in street dress before six o'clock in the evening, or thereafter if intimacy warrants.

Evening, or other than mere formal calls, should not be made, save by special invitation.

A man should leave his card when calling. If his hostess is married, he should leave one also for the host. If she is out, he should leave two.

When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known to the man, he should send his card to her.

If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option to shake hands or not, and she should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.

During a formal call, when other guests are present, a man should remain standing and depart upon the entrance of others. If the hostess is seated at the time, she need not rise or shake hands, but merely bow.

The hostess should not accompany a caller to the door of the parlor, but bow from her chair.

Dropping in at a theatre or opera party does not relieve a man from making formal calls that may be due.

A woman's escort to a theatre party should call upon her within a week. If she were his guest, he should do so within three days, or send his card, with an apology.

Business calls are privileged, and can be made when convenient, although preferably by appointment.

WOMEN RECEIVING—INTRODUCTIONS. At formal calls conversation should be general among the guests. Introductions are unnecessary.

AFTERNOON. See AFTERNOON CALLS.

COUNTRY. See COUNTRY CALLS.

EVENING. See EVENING CALLS.

FIRST. See FIRST CALLS.

INVALID'S. See INVALID'S CALLS.

SUNDAY. See SUNDAY CALLS.



CANCELING DINNERS. When it becomes necessary for a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she should send as soon as possible, either by special delivery or messenger, a letter to each guest who has accepted the invitation. The letter, written either in the first or third person, should state the reason and express regrets.



CANCELING WEDDINGS. See WEDDINGS-INVITATIONS RECALLED.



CANES. A cane is the correct thing for a man when walking, except when engaged in business. It should be held a few inches below the knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas, be carried vertically.

CALLING. When making a formal or brief call the cane should be left in the hall.



CARDINAL-HOW ADDRESSED. A letter, official or social, begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant. The address on the envelope is: His Eminence Cardinal Wilson.



CARDS.

DEBUT. See DEBUT CARDS.

DEBUTANTS. See DEBUTANTE CARDS.

INFANT. See INFANT'S CARDS.

IN MEMORIAM. See IN MEMORIAM CARDS.

MOURNING. See MOURNING CARDS.



CARDS, VISITING.

ADDRESSING. See ADDRESSING CARDS (VISITING).

AFTERNOON TEAS. See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING IN PERSON—AFTERNOON TEAS. CARDS (VISITING), MAIL OR MESSENGER-AFTERNOON TEAS.

AT HOME. See AT HOME-CARDS.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). See CARDS (VISITING), LEAVING IN PERSON—BIRTH.

CONDOLENCE. See CONDOLENCE—CARDS.

DAUGHTER. See DAUGHTERS—CARDS (VISITING).

GARDEN PARTIES. See GARDEN PARTIES—CARDS.

HUSBAND AND WIFE. When the wife is calling, she can leave cards of the husband and sons if it is impossible for them to do so themselves.

After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters. See Also MR. AND MRS. CARD.

LEAVING IN PERSON. When cards with a message of congratulation are left in person, nothing should be written on it.

LEAVING IN PERSON—AFTERNOON TEAS. Women leave cards of their male relatives as well as their own, although their names may be announced upon entering the drawing-room. Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided, or give them to the servant at the door.

MEN. A bachelor should not use AT HOME cards as a woman does, nor to invite his friends by writing a date and MUSIC AT FOUR on his calling card in place of an invitation.

MEN—LEAVING IN PERSON. When returning to town after a long absence, a man should leave cards having his address.

When calling upon a young woman whose hostess is not known by the man, he should send his card to her.

At the beginning of a season, a man should leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and their guest.

Men of leisure should leave their own cards, while business men can have them left by the women of the family.

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

When calling, a man should leave a card whether the hostess is at home or not.

P. P. C. card's may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

When a man calls upon a young woman whom a hostess is entertaining, he should leave cards for both.

When a man calls upon another man, if he is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him. If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards—one for each.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man should leave a card the day after a breakfast, luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. They may also be sent by mail or messenger, with an apology for so doing.

BALLS, SUBSCRIPTION. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a subscription ball, a man should leave a card for the patroness inviting him.

DEBUTANTE. When calling upon a debutante a man should leave cards for her mother, whether the entertainment was attended or not.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive together, a man should leave one card for both, and if not present at the reception, he should send two cards.

THEATRE. After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted or leave his card.

WEDDING RECEPTION. After a wedding reception a man should leave a card for the host and hostess, and another for the bridal couple.

If a man has been invited to the church but not to the wedding reception, he should leave a card for the bride's parents and the bridal couple, or should mail a card.

SENDING BY MAIL, OR MESSENGER. After an entertainment a man should call in person on host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent, it should be accompanied with an apology.

At the beginning of the season a man should leave cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the household or only two cards.

In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the "misses," and one for the rest of the family and the guest.

If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger.

A man may mail his card to a woman engaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants.

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see. The address should be written on them.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a man is unable to be present at an afternoon tea, he should send a card the same afternoon.

BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS, DINNERS. A man should leave a card the day after a breakfast, luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted or not. They may be sent by mail or messenger with an apology for so doing.

ENTERTAINMENT BY MEN. After a man's formal entertainment for men, a man should leave a card within one week, whether the event was attended or not. It can be sent by mail or messenger.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

RECEPTION. When the host and hostess receive together, a man should leave one card for both, and, if not present at the reception, he should send two cards.

WEDDING RECEPTION. If a man has been invited to the church but not the wedding reception, he should leave or mail a card to the bride's parents, and also to the bridal couple.

STYLE. The full name should be used, and if too long, the initials only. The club address is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if not living at a club, the home address should be in lower right-hand corner. In the absence of a title, Mr. is always used on an engraved but not a written card.

Cards should be engraved in plain letter, according to prevailing fashion.

Facsimile cards engraved are no longer used.

Written cards are in bad taste, but in case of necessity they may be used. The name should be written in full if not too long, and should be the autograph of the sender.

Messages or writing should not appear on men's cards. If address is changed, new cards should be engraved. In an emergency only the new address may be written.

MOURNING CARDS are the same size as visiting- cards, and a black border is used—the width to be regulated by the relationship of the deceased relative.

MEN—STYLE, TITLES. Men having titles use them before their names—as, Reverend, Rev., Mr., Dr., Army and Navy titles, and officers on retired list. L.L.D. and all professional titles are placed after the name. Political and judicial titles are always omitted.

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. after the name. On cards intended for social use, office hours and other professional matter are omitted.

MR. AND MRS. See MR. AND MRS. CARDS.

P. P. C. See P. P. C. CARDS.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. If after accepting an invitation it is necessary to decline, a card should be sent the evening of the entertainment, with an explanatory note the day following.

When an invitation has been received to an "At Home" debut, and one has not been able to attend, cards should be sent by mail or messenger, to arrive at the time of the ceremony.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged to be married.

AFTERNOON TEAS. The invitations to a formal afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in advance by mail or messenger. No reply is necessary, but if unable to be present, a card should be sent the day of the entertainment.

For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used, with the hour for the "tea" written or engraved over the date beneath the fixed day of that week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.

Persons unable to attend should send cards the same afternoon.

BIRTH (ANNOUNCEMENT). If wishing to congratulate after a birth, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

CONDOLENCE. After a death in the family of an acquaintance, a card with the word Condolence written on it should be left in person or by messenger. For very intimate acquaintances, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card or letter.

When unable to leave in person a card with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate friends only with a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent with a letter of condolence.

TRAVELERS. A woman visiting a place for a length of time should mail to her friends a visiting-card which contains her temporary address.

A man in similar situation should call upon his friends, and if he does not find them at home, should leave his card.

WEDDING INVITATIONS. Those present at the ceremony should leave cards for those inviting them, and if this is not possible, they can be sent by mail or messenger.

Those invited but not present should send cards.

WIDOW. See WIDOWS—CARDS.

WIFE. Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband's name without the initials.

WOMEN. Mrs. or Miss should always be used before the names. The cards of single women are smaller than those of married women.

The husband's name should be used in full, unless too long, when the initials are used. Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband's name without initials.

Reception days should appear in the lower left-hand corner, limiting dates—as, Until Lent, or in January, may be either engraved or written.

If a special function is allotted to any reception days—as, the entertaining of special guests—the hour of the reception day may be written above the day and the date beneath it.

DAUGHTERS. See DAUGHTERS—CARDS.

LEAVING IN PERSON—BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send congratulations, after receipt of a birth announcement card, cards should be left in person or sent by a messenger; cut flowers may be sent with the card.

Before the wedding cards are issued, an engaged woman should leave her card personally upon her friends without entering the house.

When calling at the beginning of the season a woman should leave her own card, those of the men of the family, and two of her husband's.

After formal invitations, a woman should leave her own card and those of the men of the family who were invited, whether they attended or not.

When calling formally a woman should leave a card, whether the hostess is at home or not.

When a woman calls upon a well-known friend, it is not necessary to send up a card.

When making a call at a hotel or other public place, the name of the person called upon should be written in the upper left- hand corner of the card—as:

For Mrs. Jane Wilson

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

P. P. C. cards may be left in person or sent by mail upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

The corner of the card should not be turned down.

RECEPTION. At receptions a woman should leave the cards in the hall or hand them to the servant.

At a "coming-out reception" a woman should leave cards for the mother and daughter.

A married man returns his social obligations to women by personal calls, or his wife can do it for him by leaving his card with her own.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. After her debut the younger of the two daughters has no card of her own, as her full baptismal name appears on her mother's card beneath her name. A year after her first appearance she may have a card of her own.

When a mother leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess only.

If reception day appear on the mother's card, the daughters also receive on that date, as the daughters have no reception days of their own.

MOTHER AND SON. When a mother is calling, she can leave cards of her son for the host and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so himself.

A son entering society can have his cards left by his mother upon a host and hostess. Invitations to entertainments will follow.

RETURNING TO TOWN. Cards of the entire family should be sent by mail to all acquaintances when returning after a prolonged absence.

When using cards, if out of town, the place of a woman's permanent residence can be written on the card—thus: New York. Philadelphia.

SENDING BY MAIL OR MESSENGER. A woman visiting a place for a length of time should mail to her friends her visiting-card containing her temporary address.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger upon departure from city, or on leaving winter or summer resort.

After a change of residence the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.

At the beginning of the season both married and single women should send their cards to all their acquaintances.

Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see, with the address written on the cards.

For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used. The hour for the tea is written or engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed day of the week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.

The cards of a debutante may be sent by mail or messenger.

Mourning cards should be sent to indicate temporary retirement from society. Later cards should be sent to indicate return to society.

AFTERNOON TEA. If a woman is unable to be present at an afternoon tea she should send her card the same afternoon.

WEDDING RECEPTION. When invitations have been received to the church but not to the wedding reception, cards should be sent to the bride's parents and to the bridal couple.

WOMEN—STYLE, TITLES. Women having titles should use them before the name—as, Reverend or Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr. before or M.D. after the name. Office hours and other professional matters are omitted on cards for social use. Husband's titles should never be used. The home address is put in the lower right-hand and the club address in the lower left-hand corner.

The card of the eldest daughter in society is simply Miss Wilson.



CARDS OF ADMISSION TO CHURCH WEDDINGS. These cards are used at all public weddings held in churches, and when they are used no one should be admitted to the church without one. They are sent with the wedding invitations.



CARRIAGES.

BALLS. See BALLS-CARRIAGES.

DANCES. See DANCES-CARRIAGES.

FUNERALS. See FUNERALS-CARRIAGES.

MEN. In a general way a man should provide a carriage when escorting a woman in evening dress to any function. If she does not wear evening dress, and they are going to an informal affair, it would be proper to take a street-car.

SUPPERS. See SUPPER AND THEATRE PARTIES—MEN—CARRIAGES.

THEATRES. See THEATRES AND OPERA PARTIES GIVEN BY MEN—CARRIAGES.

WOMEN. A woman accepting, with her mother's or chaperone's consent, a man's invitation to the theatre may, with propriety, request him not to provide a carriage unless full dress on her part is requested.



CATHOLIC PRIEST—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I have the honor to remain your humble servant. A social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson, and ends: I beg to remain faithfully yours, The address on the envelope is: The Reverend John J. Wilson. But if he holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the address is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.



CELERY is eaten with the fingers.



CHANGE OF RESIDENCE. WOMEN. After a change of residence, the cards of the entire family should be sent out as soon as possible.



CHAPERONE. A chaperone takes precedence of her charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms and on ceremonious occasions. At an entertainment both enter together, and the chaperone should introduce her protege to the hostess and to others. The two should remain together during the evening. In a general way the chaperon takes under her charge the social welfare of her protege.

BALLS. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going and returning with them, and if she is not invited, it is in good taste for the daughters to decline the invitation. A father can act as escort, if need be, instead of the mother. A mother can delegate her powers to some one else when requested to act as a chaperone.

MEN CALLING. A man should ask the chaperone's permission to call upon her protege, and once it is granted no further permission is necessary. The chaperone should be present while a debutante receives male callers the first year, and when the first call is made she should be present throughout the evening and should decide as to the necessity of her presence during subsequent visits.

CARDS. A chaperone introducing and accompanying young women should leave her own card with that of her protege.

DANCES. The chaperone should give her permission to a man who desires to dance, promenade, or go to supper with her charge, who should not converse with him at length save at the chaperon's side, and the chaperon should accompany both to supper. If without an escort, the young woman may accept the invitation of her last partner before supper is announced.

INTRODUCTIONS. A man should never be introduced direct by card or letter to a young unmarried woman. If he desires to be introduced, the letter or card of introduction should be addressed to her chaperone or mother, who may then introduce him to the young woman if she deems it advisable.

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask a young man if he wishes to be introduced to the one under her care.

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. A man having a letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If the latter is out when he calls, he should mail it to her, and she may then notify him when he may call, and should herself be present.

SUPPER, TEA, DINNER. A young woman receiving an invitation to a man's supper, tea, or dinner may accept if she has the consent of her mother or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

THEATRES. A chaperone's permission should be asked before a man's invitation to the theatre can be accepted. The chaperone can also accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations from men to theatre parties or suppers, if she too is invited.

The chaperone should be present at mixed theatre parties—one for small, and two or more for larger parties and suppers. The chaperones may use their own carriage to call for the guests, and then meet the men at the places of entertainment. The chaperone should say when the entertainment shall close.

UNABLE TO BE PRESENT. When a chaperone is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate them to another, provided it is agreeable to all concerned.



CHEESE is first cut into small bits, then placed on pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the fingers to the mouth.



CHINA WEDDING. This is the twentieth wedding anniversary, and is not usually celebrated; but if it is, the invitation may bear the words NO PRESENTS RECEIVED, and congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. An entertainment is usually provided for. Any article of china is appropriate as a gift.



CHOIR-BOYS AT WEDDINGS. These form a brilliant addition to a church wedding, and when employed they meet the bridal party in the vestibule, and precede them to the altar, singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.

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