THE GOOP DIRECTORY OF Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children
with Pictures by GELETT BURGESS Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc.
Argyll, Marmaduke Talking while Eating Beal, Nancy Throwing away Things Bildad, Master Selfish with Toys Bingg, Percy In the Way Birch, Betsy Talking in Church Boing, Levi Going Carelessly Call, Mary C. C. Crying Continually Coralie, Little Getting Feet Wet Crossett, Andrew Playing with Faucet Day, Annabella Obeying Slowly De Witt, Gwendolyn De V. Sulking Elfinstone, Adolphus Playing with Matches Fish, Amanda Stealing Sweets Fisher, Frederick Not Eating Crusts Hecht, Ezra Not Minding Mother Hopper, Midget and Bridget Restless while Dressing James, Amanda M. Calling Names Klein, Susie Whining Lees, Roberto Teasing Animals LeGrand, Annie A. Lying and Fibbing Mackadoo, Miss Not Answering McClung, Isabel Sticking out Tongue McGiff, Alexander B. Not Wiping Nose McGuff, Elias E. Rough and Rude McKim, Solomon Scuffing Feet Pell, John D. Ordering People Pound, Esau Leaving Things Around Puddingfoot, Eliza Cheating at Play Pratt, Amelia Saying "I won't" Ray, Jumbo Snatching Toys Riff, Annie F. R. Snuffling and Sniffling Ropps, Felicia Handling Things Sloop, Percival B. Acting Uncleanly Smalt, Susie Blaming Others Sprooks, Sperry Tearing Books Stead, Uriah Not Going to Bed Trood, Rosie L. V. Playing with Food
In this DIRECTORY you'll see Just what you never ought to be; And so, it should Direct your way To Good Behavior, every day. The children of whose faults I tell Are known by other names, as well, So see that you aren't in this group Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!
A Goop that always makes me smile Is this one: Marmaduke Argyll. His mouth is full from cheek to cheek, Why should he then attempt to speak? It makes me smile, but still, the fact is, It is a most unpleasant practice.
On the sidewalk Nancy Beal Throws her old banana peel; Throws her apple skin and cores, Right in front of people's doors! Isn't that a shocking trick? Ask that Goop to stop it, quick!
A puppy, when he gets a bone, Will keep it for himself alone. So Bildad would not share his toys Or lend them to the other boys. He was a Goop; and so are you If you are ever selfish, too!
Percy Bingg, when he's at play, Is almost always in the way; In the room, or in the street, Always under people's feet! Goops like that annoy me so! You keep out the way, I know!
Look at little Betsy Birch, Always whispering in church! Always playing with the books, Never caring how she looks! Never knowing Goops like her Ought to neither talk nor stir!
Are you a Goop, like Levi Boing? He never looks where he is going; He's always bumping into chairs, And stumbling, when he goes upstairs; He tips things over, bumps his nose. He can't be careful, I suppose!
MARY C. C. CALL
Mary Carey Cory Call— Hear her cry and hear her bawl! Hear her groan! Hear her growl! Hear her moan!— Hear her howl! She's the goopiest Goop of all, Mary Carey Cory Call!
Though Coralie was small and sweet, She always, always had wet feet. She liked to walk through puddles; so, She always had a cold, you know. But as you aren't a Goop, you try To keep your tootsies warm and dry.
Have you heard how Andrew Crossett Meddled with the water-faucet? Letting water flood the sink? Andrew was a Goop, I think; Otherwise he would have known He should let such things alone!
How slow is Annabella Day! She's so reluctant to obey! She acts so sluggish and so sickly! Oh, Anna, why not do it quickly? Oh, Anna, do be prompt, and then, No one will call you "Goop" again!
GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT
Miss Gwendolyn De Vere De Witt Is having such a sulky fit! Because she couldn't have her way With other children at their play. A sulky Goop I really call As bad as those who cry and bawl.
Adolphus Elfinstone, of Nachez, Thought it was fun to play with matches Until the little Goop had learned It hurt a lot when he got burned! A little fire is queer and curious; But soon it grows quite big and furious.
If there's sugar in the dish, Who will take it? Mandy Fish? If there is a box of candy, Just look out for little Mandy! She goops the fruit, and leaves the peeling— She calls it fun; I call it stealing!
Freddie Fisher fairly fussed When he came to eat his crust! Often on the floor he'd throw it, Hoping mother wouldn't know it! Goops all hate to eat the crust; If you're told to, then you must!
What in the world would you expect Of a Goop whose name was Ezra Hecht? Of course he would refuse to heed Or mind his mother— yes indeed! Of course he would. Of course he did. But you must do what you are bid.
M. AND B. HOPPER
Mother always is distressed If you fidget when you're dressed. If you fidget like Miss Midget, Hopper, or her sister Bridget. Goops like that are so much bother, That they ought to dress each other!
AMANDA M. JAMES
Amanda Minnesinger James She called her sister horrid names! She called her brother names, as well, So bad I wouldn't dare to tell! It's shocking how a Goop will act! They have no manners, that's a fact.
When e'er I hear a puppy whine, I always think of Susie Klein; I think of how she hangs her head, She doesn't speak— she whines, instead! Don't whine! If you don't speak right out, You are a Goop, without a doubt!
How thoughtless was Roberto Lees! (For only thoughtless children tease). He teased the little pussy cat, He teased the puppy! Think of that! He even teased his sister, too! I think he was a Goop—don't you?
ANNIE A. LeGRAND
The queerest Goop in all the land Was Annie Annabelle LeGrand; She often said what wasn't true— Which is an awful thing to do! But we are honest, you and I, We think it's wrong to tell a lie!
This is a Goop— Miss Mackadoo; She never speaks when spoken to. When spoken to, she turns her eyes, And never answers or replies. She hangs her head and sucks her thumb— You'd think that she was deaf and dumb!
Do you ever stick your tongue Out, like Isabel McClung? No one but a Goop would show Rudeness such as that, I know! If you're good, take my advice; Please don't do it! 'Tisn't nice.
ALEXANDER B. McGIFF
Young Alexander B. McGiff Each day had a clean handkerchief. In spite of this, if you'll believe, He wiped his nose upon his sleeve! Nobody but a Goop would do it; His mother'd scold him, if she knew it.
ELIAS E. McGUFF
Elias Ethelbert McGuff, Oh, he was rude and he was rough! He used to pinch, he used to poke, And called his rudeness just a joke. What made him plague his playmates so? He was a Goop and didn't know!
I wonder if you ever meet The Goop who always scuffs his feet? He makes them drag along the floor As if they weighed a ton or more. Just think of Solomon McKim, And don't be slovenly like him!
JOHN D. PELL
When John D. Pell wants something done, D'you think he asks of anyone? Oh, no! He orders someone to, With "Get my hat!" or, "Tie my shoe!" The Goops all say rude things like these, But you, of course, say, "If you please!"
When you're finished with your play, Do you put your toys away? Do you put away your hat, And your coat, and things like that? Or, are you like Esau Pound? He's the Goop who leaves things 'round!
If you should ask why Rosamund Eliza Puddingfoot was shunned, I'd say, because she'd always cheat In every game, so she could beat. Only a Goop would act that way And be dishonest in her play.
"I won't!" says young Amelia Pratt; "I won't do this!" "I won't do that!" Now isn't "won't" the naughtiest word That anyone has ever heard? Now isn't that the rudest way A Goop could answer? I should say!
No children ever like to play With such a Goop as Jumbo Ray. For he will snatch and grab the toys Of all the little girls and boys. Though Jumbo loves to fuss and fight, You know, of course, it isn't right.
ANNIE F. R. RIFF
Annie Fanny Ruffle Riff; Hear her snuffle! Hear her sniff! Hear her sniffle! Hear her snuff!— See her—well, I've said enough. You have seen her, I suppose, The Goop who seldom blows her nose?
Funny, how Felicia Ropps Always handles things in shops! Always pinching, always poking, Alwyas feeling, always stroking Things she has no right to touch! Goops like that annoy me much!
PERCIVAL B. SLOOP
Just look at Percival B. Sloop, A most unpleasant sort of Goop; He pokes his fingers in his nose And wipes his hands upon his clothes; He does a lot of things that you, I know, would never, never do!
"Oh," says little Susie Smalt, "It is someone else's fault!" "She began it!" "She's to blame!" "She's the one that spoiled the game!" So Goops always blame each other; Do you own up your fault to Mother?
Have you ever chanced to look At a torn and dirty book? At a book that's ragged, soiled, Inked and finger- marked and spoiled? Who has done it? Sperry Sprooks! He's the Goop that spoils the books!
I never saw Uriah Stead When he was glad to go to bed. There always was one thing to do Before he could take off a shoe! The little Goop was always late; I hope you don't pro-cras-ti-nate!
ROSIE L. V. TROOD
Rosie Lily Violet Trood, Always messes with her food; Always plays with her potatoes, Meat and gravy and tomatoes! Callers, who are asked to dine, Knowing she's a Goop, decline!