THE SLANT BOOK By PETER NEWELL
This uphill work is slow, indeed, But down the slant—ah! note the speed!
HARPER & BROTHERS NEW YORK
Copyright 1910, by Harper & Brothers Patented September 20, 1910 Published November, 1910 Printed in the United States of America
THE SLANT BOOK
Where Bobby lives there is a hill— A hill so steep and high, 'Twould fill the bill for Jack and Jill Their famous act to try
Once Bobby's Go-cart broke away And down this hill it kited. The careless Nurse screamed in dismay But Bobby was delighted
He clapped his hands, in manner rude, And laughed in high elation— While, close behind, the Nurse pursued In hopeless consternation
An Officer slid off the lid As Bobby hove in sight, And bellowed out, "You're scorchin', kid— I'll run you in all right!"
But down the Go-cart swiftly sped And smashed that Cop completely, And as he sailed o'er Bobby's head Bob snipped a button neatly!
A funny Son of sunny Greece Was standing near the curb, Beside his push-cart, wrapped in peace, That naught could well disturb
But all at once he got a shock— The Go-cart speeding down, Collided with his fancy stock And littered up the town!
The runaway then swerved a bit And snapped a Hydrant, short; Which accident proved quite a hit Of rather novel sort
The Water spouted in a jet As much as ten feet high, And all were soaked and nearly choked Who chanced to be nearby!
A farmer's wife, Miss' Angy Moore, Was trudging up the grade. A basketful of eggs she bore To barter with in trade
The Go-cart and the Lady met (Informally, no doubt) And made a sort of omelette And spread it round about!
A Painter on a ladder perched, Was working at his calling— Against its foot the Go-cart lurched And sent the fellow sprawling
His pot of paint came tumbling down And wrong side up, it settled About a Chappie's flaxen crown— Oh, my! but he was nettled!
A German Band across the street Its way was slowly wending, Which was a movement indiscreet, The way that things were tending
The Go-cart struck the bass drum square, And passed completely through it. The Drummer madly tore his hair And said, "Vy did you do it?"
Some Workingmen were putting in A heavy plate-glass front. The Go-cart then came rushing in And did its little stunt
It smashed to bits a crystal pane Two sweating men were bearing, And sped on down the slanting plane And left them mad and swearing!
An automobile big and brown Was chugging up the hill, And met the Go-cart plunging down With speed that boded ill
At once there rose a noise and din Of people in dismay. A Sandwich-man then butted in And opened up a way!
A Lad was rushing with a Hat Some Lady had been buying— The Go-cart caught—and laid him flat, And sent the hat-box flying
The Hat fell out and settled down Upon our Bobby's head. "Say, I'm the swellest kid in town!" The precious rascal said
A Newsboy next was somehow hit— The Go-cart, swift and dextrous, Contrived to muss him up a bit And fill the air with extras
One copy Bobby neatly scooped, And saw this wild display, In type so bold it fairly whooped: "A GO-CART BREAKS AWAY!"
Then as the Go-cart speeded by, A Bulldog, quite pugnacious, Seized on the handle on the fly And clung with grip tenacious
The Go-cart's speed was so increased The Dog streamed out behind it, And Bobby turned to pet the beast Which didn't seem to mind it!
Perambulating down the street Was Miss Lucile O'Grady— The Go-cart knocked her off her feet And took on board the Lady
"Your fare!" said Bobby, with a shout, One chubby hand extending. But Miss O'Grady tumbled out With shrieks the heavens rending
A Herder up the weary grade A yearling Calf was leading. The creature was a stubborn jade And lunged about, unheeding
The Go-cart caught the rope midway Between the Calf and Herder, And both fell in behind the shay With cries of "Ba-a!" and "Murder!"
Two Chappies at a tennis meet Were battling fast and hard— The Go-cart skidded off the street And shot across the yard
The game was "forty all," but then It didn't end that day— The Go-cart dashed into the net And carried it away!
On came the Go-cart down the grade (The town was now behind it) And ran into an orchard's shade Where Providence resigned it!
But then it only grazed a tree And set it all a-shiver; The ripened fruit fell merrily And likewise Sammy Sliver!
Then through a Watermelon patch This awful cart descended, And split the melons by the batch— The Farmer was offended
And tried to stop its wild career, Which was a silly notion— It passed him promptly to the rear With quite a rapid motion!
A Picnic Party on the green Were seated at their lunch— The Go-cart dashed upon the scene And through the happy bunch!
Sardines and pickles, ham and cake, Were jumbled in a mess, Then straightway rose these Picnickers And shouted for redress!
An Artist sketching on the slope A lively air was humming, And so absorbed was he, he failed To note the Go-cart coming
A crash! The circumambient air Was filled with miscellany, And damaged quite beyond repair Was Cremnitz White Mulvaney!
A Damsel milked a brindled Cow Out in a pasture green, The Birdies sang from bush and bough— All Nature was serene
When suddenly a thunderbolt Dispelled the sweet illusion— The Go-cart gave the twain a jolt, And all was wild confusion!
Upon a rustic bridge a Chap Cast out a bait inviting, And presently he took a nap And dreamed the fish were biting
Then came the Go-cart like a gale And rudely him awakened— At first he thought he'd caught a whale, But found he was mistaken!
The longest night must have an end As well as a beginning; And so this Cart, you may depend, Was bound to cease its spinning
It crashed into a hemlock Stump That chanced to block its way, And Bobby made a flying jump And landed in the hay!